The Simply Impossible Task

Growing up on that old familiar street not so far away called Flamingo, our dad taught us never to quit. His voice will forever echo in my head, “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” Because of his words, there have been many times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and walk away but never have. Well, Dear Reader, I will humbly say this past Monday morning, it happened. I quit. I’ve finally met my match. It’s something even I can’t conquer. But before we get to that, let’s take a looksee at some of the other things from the past that have brought me to the brink of quitting. 

It was Older Brother Richard who said I couldn’t climb to the top of the giant pine tree in the front yard. About ten feet up, I stopped and wanted to come back down. Being only six years old, that was as high as I’d ever been, and after looking down, the fear of falling had its grip on me tighter than I did on the branches. Taking a step down to the next lower branch prompted Twin Brother Mark to yell.

“You ain’t quitting, are ya?” 

That day I realized two things. First, I could climb to the top of the giant pine tree in our front yard and not quit. Not quitting things made dad happy. Second, the fire department will come out and rescue a six-year-old out of the top of a giant pine tree. The fire department having to be called to our house again didn’t make dad happy.

In eighth grade I decided to join the wrestling team. My two brothers soon joined also. After only a week, Big Brother James decided he wanted to quit, and no amount of arguing with Dad could convince him to continue. I remember the argument well, partly because it was really loud, but mostly because of what happened after he got sent to his room for arguing. I waited awhile then went into his room with an idea, “If you want to make Dad happy, just don’t quit. Win.” Four years later, after having won his third state wrestling championship, James graduated with a scholarship to wrestle for Auburn University. 

Not quitting saved my life.

During my rookie year at the fire department, I got disoriented in a fire at the FAA building near the Atlanta airport. From the fire in the sub-basement, I ended up on the smoke-filled second floor staircase with no air. I truly wanted to give up. It was only with a lot of prayer and the voice of my dad in my head saying “Don’t ever quit” that I somehow crawled down the steps and collapsed outside in the parking lot. Almost forty years ago, I woke up in the back of an ambulance knowing that not quitting saved my life. 

But last Monday I finally quit. I met something I couldn’t overcome – all because I tried to save some money.

On our December trip to the giant food warehouse store, I happened to see a ginormous pack of five-blade face razors. There were so many it would take two years to use all of them! They cost a small fortune but would save us so much money it was worth it. Then last Monday, we had finally run out of all that we had, so it was time to open the huge package. I followed the directions and tried to pull it open. That was my first mistake. Couldn’t do it. My second mistake was to try and cut open the hard plastic with The Wife’s little makeup trim scissors. Special note to all those neanderthals out there like me: don’t use your wife’s little makeup trim scissors unless your goal is to get her really, really mad. And you want to buy her a new pair of top of the line makeup trim scissors.

After trying a hack saw, metal tin snips, and even a dull razor knife, I gave up. I went to the grocery store and bought an easy open pack of disposable razors. The twelve pack will last about two months. I hope by then I will have reclaimed my dignity and figured out how to open that package of super discounted (but can’t open them to save your life) five-bladed razors.