Ask Margar-etiquette about Phones in Face-to-Face Conversations

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I was having a face-to-face conversation with someone who kept checking their phone. They were scrolling, responding, glancing down… I don’t know what they were doing. But I was still talking. It was distracting and made me feel dismissed. Is this just the reality of adult conversation now, or is there still an etiquette expectation around giving someone your attention?

Feeling Half-Heard

Dear Reader,

Let’s be clear: when you’re in a face-to-face conversation and one person is regularly checking their phone, the conversation is no longer mutual. Attention has shifted, and the message—intentional or not—is, “Something else has priority.”

Phones are part of modern life. Emergencies happen. Quick checks happen. But sustained phone use while someone is speaking isn’t multitasking—it’s disengaging. And adults, of all people, should know the difference.

Good etiquette hasn’t changed here. When you choose to converse with someone in person, you’re agreeing to be present. That means eye contact, listening, and staying off your screen unless there’s a clear reason to step away.

If you’re on the receiving end, you don’t need to tolerate it silently. A simple pause or a calm, “Let me know if you need a minute,” often does the job. It’s not rude—it’s clarifying the moment.

And if you’re the one reaching for your phone, consider what you’re trading. Few habits undermine credibility and connection faster than divided attention. People remember how you made them feel, and being half-listened to rarely leaves a good impression.

Adult conversation works best when we treat attention as the courtesy it is. Put the phone down. Finish the thought. Respect the exchange.

With consideration for the common good,

Margar-etiquette