Ask Margar-etiquette about Preferred Forms of Communication

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I manage a retail store and recently called a customer to let her know that an order she had been waiting for had arrived. She didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail.

A few days later, the customer came into the store and asked to speak with me. To my surprise, she was quite angry that I had left her a voicemail instead of sending her a text. She said she doesn’t listen to voicemail and expected me to contact her by text.

I was shocked that this was such a big deal. If you have voicemail set up, isn’t it reasonable for someone to leave you a message? And if you strongly prefer text messages, shouldn’t you let a business know that?

Apparently I Should Have Texted

Dear Apparently,

Apparently you missed the memo. Or perhaps it was sent by text. Communication has certainly changed. We now have phone calls, voicemail, texts, email, messaging apps, and direct messages, yet somehow having more ways to communicate has made figuring out how to communicate more complicated.

And there is definitely a generational piece to this. While we should be careful about assuming everyone in a particular age group communicates the same way, different generations often have different comfort levels and expectations around communication. Some grew up believing that an important matter deserves a phone call. Others consider an unexpected phone call intrusive and would much rather receive a text. Some check voicemail regularly, while others may not listen to it for days.

None of those preferences is necessarily wrong. The trouble begins when we assume everyone else knows our preference. In your situation, you called the number the customer provided; she didn’t answer, and you left a message with the information she needed. Unless she had previously asked to be contacted by text, leaving a voicemail was a perfectly reasonable way to communicate. I don’t see an etiquette offense here.

There are a few lessons here for both customers and businesses.

1. Make your preferences known.
If you strongly prefer a particular method of communication, say so. “Please text me when my order arrives” is a simple request. We can’t expect other people to know our preferences if we haven’t shared them.

2. Businesses can take the guesswork out of it.
This experience may also give your store an opportunity to improve customer service. When taking an order, ask, “How would you prefer that we contact you when your order arrives?” It is a small question that acknowledges that customers communicate differently.

3. Don’t ignore the channels you have opened.
If you have an active voicemail box, it’s reasonable for someone to assume they can leave a message there. You certainly don’t have to love voicemail, but if you choose not to check it, understand that you may occasionally miss information.

4. A communication preference doesn’t excuse discourtesy.
This may be the most important part. The customer was entitled to prefer a text. She was also entitled to ask that future communication be sent that way. But yelling at someone who had made a reasonable attempt to contact her wasn’t necessary. A simple, “For future orders, would you mind texting me? I don’t usually check my voicemail,” would have accomplished the same thing without the confrontation.

Perhaps modern communication etiquette requires a little flexibility from all of us. Businesses can ask. Customers can tell. And the rest of us can remember that the way we prefer to communicate isn’t necessarily the way everyone else does. Different generations may communicate differently, but courtesy translates across all of them.

With love and good manners,

Margar-etiquette