A Truly Terrifying Experience

There’s no other way to put it. Last Thursday was one of the most terrifying experiences of my childhood or adult life, and if you ask some folks who know me, those are one in the same. But in my defense, when the Girly Girls and yours truly started out that morning, the day reminded me of some that my three brothers, The Sister and I enjoyed back on Flamingo while growing up. A well thought-out adventure that, somehow, ended up running right off the tracks. 

The Wife was out of town on a business trip, so I had our two granddaughters, Little One and Sweet Caroline, to take care of all by myself. Now, I learned early on in child rearing, if you keep kids busy all day, they’ll be happy. But if they ever get bored, that’s when the fighting usually starts. So, what better way to keep kids happy and make sure they don’t get bored during the summer? Pack a lunch of their favorite foods, throw in a couple of Cokes, and drive to an amusement park. 

Oh, did I forget to describe the best parts?

First, get them up at 8:00am when they think they are going to sleep until 10:00am because it’s summer. (That goes over really well.) Second, after a quick breakfast, don’t tell them where they’re going when you rush them to the car. (Kids really like not knowing things.) Third, and this may have been the most fun, make them put down their phones and play the guessing game about where they’re going. Important: Limit them to only one question at a time. (This game will drive them crazy, but it’s worth it.) 

Pulling into the parking lot, the last hour of questions and answers was well worth the wait. They had no idea where we were going, and upon our arrival, they both said almost the same thing.

“We always wanted to go here!”

“This is gonna be sooo much fun!”

“Let’s do the go-carts first.”

“Thanks, Papa. You’re the best!”

I especially liked that last one. And I felt like a hero.

That feeling lasted until we got to the gate where I was informed that the huge backpack containing our lunch, snacks, and waters couldn’t go inside the park with us, so we had to leave it in the car. No problem! We’d bought a day pass and could visit the car anytime we needed. For the next two hours, we all enjoyed go-cart racing, two different roller coasters, and cooling off on the lazy river inner tube ride that Little One deemed “unfair” because her water squirt gun didn’t work.

Our car lunch provided the much-needed reprieve from Georgia’s double H: heat and humidity. Soon we were back on the hunt for the one ride we’d all been looking forward to: the ginormous rollercoaster at the far end of the park. That’s when our fun day of adventure took a dramatic turn towards downright terrifying. Had I known what was about to happen, I assure you none of us would’ve ridden that beast of a ride. 

Mistake number one.

Around 2:00pm we walked up to the ride. I should’ve known something was wrong when I saw, at the bottom of the stairs, an empty roller coaster seat with a sign next to it: “How to secure yourself into place.” This was our first warning that perhaps we should not go on this ride.

But the Girly girls really wanted to go, so we started to walk up the first flight of steps. Once they reached the top, they were five stories above the ground! This was the time I started to get worried, and I asked again if they were sure they wanted to do the ride. Both girls said they did. 

Mistake number two.

I should have known that this might be a little dangerous when they asked for all the riders to empty their pockets, take off their necklaces, and make sure they had no cell phones. But no, the Girly Girls said they still wanted to go on the ride, so being the great granddad that I am, I said, “Okay.”

It was a terrifying mistake.

That day, I learned whether I could hold my breath for three minutes without screaming. The answer was no! I screamed for the next three minutes, regretting the decision to let the Girly Girls ride that roller coaster. Had I known it was going to climb 155 feet almost straight up into the air before cresting the top and then plunging down at a breakneck speed of over 65 mph, and then corkscrewing everyone upside down, no one would’ve ridden that monstrosity. 

When the ride was finally over, I could barely walk back over to the steps we had climbed. When asked if they would do the ride again, the girls said in unison, “No, Papa. It was too scary!”

Our amazing day at the fun park ended five hours after we started. With the Girly Girls in the back seat, back on their phones, I asked them if they enjoyed the day.

“Best ever.”

“Thanks, Papa.”

“That roller coaster was really scary.”

I agreed. “It WAS really scary, and if I’d known it was going to turn upside down, I never would’ve let you do it.”

“Why were you scared? You didn’t even ride it. You were on the ground taking pictures!”

I answered, “Yes, but it was still terrifying.”

That night I read them a bedtime story and put them to bed. It was a great day, full of childhood memories they’ll carry with them the rest of their lives. Next month we are going back to the fun park with The Wife. She said she wanted to ride that roller coaster with the Girly Girls. 

Rest assured, Yours Truly will be safely on the ground taking pictures just like he was the last time.