Ask Margar-etiquette about Hosting Your Kid’s Plus One

Dear Margar-etiquette,

My son is coming home from college for Thanksgiving, and he’s bringing a female “friend.” I’m delighted to have an extra guest at the table, but I’m unsure what’s expected of us as hosts, especially when it comes to sleeping arrangements and making her feel cared for. What’s the right balance between hospitality and household boundaries?

Puzzled Parent

Dear Puzzled Parent,

Holidays have a way of introducing delightful surprises, and occasionally, logistical puzzles. Welcoming a new guest into your home is both an act of generosity and a small exercise in etiquette planning. The good news is that with a little clarity and kindness, you can set expectations that make everyone comfortable, including you.

First things first: sleeping arrangements.
The core rule is simple: you set the standards for your home. If your preference or your household norms are that unmarried adults do not share a bedroom under your roof, that’s perfectly acceptable. You can communicate this with warmth and zero awkwardness. Something like, “We’re so happy to have her. Just a heads-up about sleeping arrangements, here’s what we have available.” Most college students understand and adapt without fuss.

If you’re more flexible about it, that’s also fine! The key is to decide in advance so that you don’t find yourself scrambling or feeling pressured when they arrive.

Next: hospitality and expectations.
Think of her as you would any other guest who is new to your home:

• Offer her a clean, comfortable place to sleep.
• Make sure she knows where to find towels, toiletries, and snacks.
• Share basic “house rhythms” like what time you usually eat, any morning chaos to expect, and how coffee happens in your home.

College students may be independent, but being in someone else’s family space can feel intimidating. Small gestures such as showing her where the extra blankets are, inviting her to help herself to the fridge, go a long way toward putting her at ease.

And what about general care and holiday hosting?
You’re not expected to provide a curated entertainment schedule or chauffeur service. Include her naturally in family activities, invite her to participate when appropriate, and ensure she knows she is welcome, but not obligated. If your son wants to take her out for an afternoon or introduce her to friends, great. If she wants downtime, equally great.

One delicate note: let your son be the point person for managing her comfort. He’s the one who invited her, so he is also responsible for ensuring she knows your expectations, answering her questions, and helping her navigate your family’s routines.

At its heart, this is about balance:
Kindness without overextending yourself. Hospitality without compromising your boundaries. A warm welcome without feeling like you’re running an inn.

And who knows, whether she remains a friend, becomes more, or is simply part of this one holiday, offering gracious, grounded hospitality ensures that everyone’s Thanksgiving table feels warm, respectful, and joyful.

Here’s to good sense and good company,

Margar-etiquette