Ask Margar-Etiquette about Difficulty in Conversing

Dear Margar-etiquette,

It feels harder than ever to have conversations with people who think differently from me—whether it’s about politics, social issues, or even lifestyle choices. How can I keep communication respectful without losing my voice or my friends?

Worn Out by the Divide

Dear Worn Out,

You’re not imagining things—it is harder right now. Our world feels divided, and many people are tired of tense conversations. But etiquette, at its best, isn’t about rigid rules—it’s about compassion, understanding, and the recognition that every person has value and dignity, even when we disagree.

Here are some guiding principles:

1. Lead with curiosity—and kindness.
Instead of rushing to correct or debate, ask questions that invite sharing. “What experiences shaped that view?” shows that you care about the person’s story, not just their opinion. Listening with an open heart can build trust even when minds don’t change.

2. Separate the person from the perspective.
Someone can hold a view you don’t share and still be a kind, valuable human being. Focusing on the whole person prevents a single opinion from defining the entire relationship.

3. Set boundaries with compassion.
If things get heated, it’s okay to pause. Try, “I respect how much you care about this, but I don’t want our relationship to get lost in an argument—let’s shift topics.” Boundaries protect connection, as opposed to breaking it.

4. Mind your tone.
How we say things often matters more than what we say. A calm, steady voice communicates respect, even in disagreement.

5. Choose understanding over winning.
The goal isn’t to leave the conversation with a “victory.” It’s to leave with the relationship intact—and ideally, a little more understanding of another person’s journey.

At the heart of etiquette is love expressed through consideration. When we begin with compassion, practice curiosity, and remember that relationships matter more than arguments, we create the space for true connection. Communication at its best isn’t about winning—it’s about understanding. By approaching conversations with empathy, curiosity, and kindness, we not only preserve our relationships but may also find our own perspectives expanding in the process.

With courtesy as your compass,
Margar-etiquette