What is the measure and meaning of a life? How do we measure a life that would have been but cannot be, because that life was snuffed out by domestic violence? How do we measure those lives saved from the violence that could have claimed them? And how might the abuse and loss of life of others due to violence be prevented?
These questions, and answers, are not academic. They were central to the thoughts of a small group assembled in front of the Fayette County Justice Center on Oct. 10 for the 2019 Candlelight Vigil sponsored by the Griffin Judicial Circuit’s Domestic Violence Task Force.
It was a brief ceremony, one where Superior Court Judge Scott Ballard shared remarks, as did a survivor of domestic violence.
Central to the annual event is the lighting of candles and the reading of the names of those across Georgia who died in the past year, all victims of domestic violence.
The names were read by some of the members of law enforcement from across the judicial circuit. The intent of the reading was to “Remember My Name” so that those who lives were lost might not be forgotten.
There were 84 names read out loud by the officers – male and female, children and adults. In age they crossed the spectrum, with the youngest just one-month-old, and the oldest age 80. All 84 died between October 2018 and September 2019.
The candles flickered in the soft, late evening breeze as all those names were read.
There are no words that could express the solemnity of the occasion as the officers read the names. The tears in the eyes of some standing there listening, voiced a depth of personal loss in a language without words.
It was just minutes earlier that Ballard recalled the death of a Spalding County woman whose husband shot her multiple times until he ran out of bullets. The man also stabbed their daughter more than 20 times, though she escaped.
“It makes our heart ache about what they experience, and what we can do to stop it. Alcohol, drugs or temper is no excuse,” Ballard said, referencing all victims of domestic violence, then bringing his comments to focus on the intent of the occasion. “This is an opportunity to raise awareness. In this state, the emphasis is not where it should be. I hope we can change that.”
Also speaking was a young woman who had been a victim of domestic violence. Over time, the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband escalated into significant physical violence and sexual abuse.
Traumatized, she fought back on one of those occasions, then went with a friend to law enforcement and reported the crimes. Her journey through the violence ended with his arrest.
“Every day is a challenge,” she said, the affects of the abuse she suffered still a part of her life. “But I’m here. I never imagined being able to say that a year ago.”
Perhaps one of the ways to measure a life, our own life, is to not be content only to look away, pretending the abuse of others is not real.
