Answers to your questions about life, religion and the Bible
What does the Bible say about unmarried couples living together?
Dear Father Paul: Today it is commonly accepted that many couples live together and partake in a sexual relationship without being married. Will you comment on this. What does the Bible say? — Anne
Dear Anne: Thank you for your timely question. It is today, indeed, very common for unmarried couples to live together. Authorities report that in 1960, 10 percent of couples lived together without marriage. By 2012 the number had grown to a whopping 70 percent.
So what is going on? And, what does the Bible have to say on the subject?
Couples who live together justify it in several ways. The most common is that “It is cheaper, and saves us a lot of money.” They also argue that, “We really love each other a lot and we want to spend all of our time together.” And, “We do plan to get married someday, but we feel that we need to live together for a period of time to ‘test’ whether or not we are compatible for the commitment that marriage requires.” And lastly, my personal favorite, “Everybody else is doing it.”
These all sound like perfectly good arguments don’t they? Basically, the argument is, “We think it is OK, and that’s all that really matters.”
This is the “relativistic” attitude of many in the present age. To these people, “It’s all about me. What I want to do, what I think is right and what will make me happy. Rules are ‘quaint’ and hopelessly out of date.” Basically, they say, “I believe that there is no such thing as ‘absolute and unchanging truth or absolute right and wrong’. There is ‘your truth’ and there is ‘my truth,’ everything else is relative.” Talk to them about God and the Bible and they will often say something like, “I believe that God is a stern old man with a long gray beard, sitting up on a cloud, who has lots and lots of ‘rules’ the purpose of which is simply to spoil my fun.”
The Bible doesn’t talk about an unmarried couple living together per se. But it does talk a lot about unmarried couples having sexual relations before marriage, and, let’s be honest, sex goes with living together in 99.9 percent of cases. The Bible calls that act “fornication” and says that it is a serious sin against God.
The word “fornication” or a variation, like “fornicator” is used 44 times in the Bible …God’s Holy Word. Its an “old fashioned” word found first in the 1603 King James translation of the Bible. Today’s modern Bible translations still use the word, but sometimes translate the word as “sexual immorality, or sexual sin.” Either way the meaning is clear … sexual intimacy outside of marriage.
All 44 Bible verses condemn fornication. One short example is I Thessalonians 4:3 (New Living Translation) “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from sexual sin (fornication).” 1 Corinthians 6:18; Galatians 5:19; Acts 15:20; Acts 21:25; Colossians 3:5; and Ephesians 5:3 also warn us about fornication.
So is God really an old fashioned, out of date, prude who is just trying to spoil our fun?
Absolutely not! God is a kind and loving (heavenly) Father who, like any good father, has instituted “rules” to keep us, his children, whom he loves, from getting badly hurt … and cohabitation can and does often hurt us.
Consider: the very real risks of sexually transmitted diseases; unwanted pregnancies and the cost of 18 years of child support; a statistically 33 percent higher divorce rate for those who later do marry each other; the fact that 40 percent of cohabiting couples break up and do not marry each other resulting in years long painful fights over property ownership; and much higher percentages of physical abuse. Fact is that there are lots more good reasons not to cohabit than just the Biblical warnings.
We hear the argument, “Who on earth would buy a car without a test drive? Isn’t marriage more important than buying a car?”
To which I answer, “That argument makes sense if you are the ‘driver.’ You can just walk away if you aren’t happy with the car. But what if you are the ‘car’ in that scenario? Then, you are just going to get dumped back on the dealer’s lot. So how is that gonna work for you? Think about it.”
Do you have a question? Email it to me at paulmassey@earthlink.net and I will try to answer your question in the paper.
Father Paul Massey is pastor emeritus at Church of the Holy Cross in Fayetteville, Georgia. Visit us at www.holycrosschurch.wordpress.com. for service times, directions and more information.
