New milk
By Rick Ryckeley
Last Saturday in our fair town, the first snowflake fell just before noon. Shortly after that, three things happened.
First, traffic came almost to a halt in downtown because there was a mad rush to all the local grocery stores. After all, there had been a snowflake spotted. Supplies had to be purchased for the impending blizzard. Not that a blizzard was in any of the forecasts, mind you, but just in case, some important survival provisions still had to be purchased. And everyone was buying the same two items.
Second, milk, along with bread, disappeared faster from store shelves than the few snowflakes that actually landed on the pavement. It’s a response to snow that has been going on as far back as I can remember.
Third, The Wife walked into our backyard and caught me doing something odd. Not an unusual occurrence around our house, me doing something odd, but as she continued to watch in disbelief, she finally had to ask, “Just what are you doing?” The answer is the end of this story. The beginning is a question.
What was the real purpose behind Stonehenge? Who built the pyramids and how did they do it with such precision? Why were the Nazca lines really drawn and why can they be seen clearly only from space? These are questions that have mystified mankind since they were first asked. But there is another more burning question for this writer: Where does milk actually come from?
The answer is no longer standing out in a green pasture of a farm. It’s not as simple as you may think.
Growing up at 110 Flamingo Street, my 10th-grade biology teacher at Briarwood High School, home of the Mighty Buccaneers, was Ms. Green. She said milk came from cows and any mammal. I remember that answer because I got it wrong on her final exam. I said milk came from the grocery store.
She also said milk had to be refrigerated. Last Saturday I stood in front of the empty milk display at our local grocery store and realized that Ms. Green was wrong not once but twice. Nowadays milk can come from just about anything and doesn’t always have to be refrigerated.
Milk can come from rice. How, I really don’t know. Never really saw anyone trying to milk rice, but they sell rice milk in the grocery store. It’s not refrigerated. It’s on the shelf right next to the teas. Why they put rice milk next to tea in the grocery store I really have no idea. Maybe Ms. Green knows?
Yep, new milk doesn’t stop at unrefrigerated rice milk. Nowadays they can get milk from all kinds of things like almond, cashew, and soy. At the end of the school year, Ms. Green took our entire class on a field trip to a dairy farm and I saw a farmer milking a cow. Never saw the farmer milking a nut or bean.
Growing up at 110 Flamingo Street, milk was delivered to our front doorstep in glass milk jugs with cardboard tops. Long gone are the days of home delivery of milk in glass jugs. Also gone is the fact that all milk has to be refrigerated. Now it comes in containers that can stay on the shelf for up to a year. All milk has to be refrigerated. That was something else Ms. Green was wrong about. Wonder if I can get credit now for that answer?
So what was I doing in the backyard that had The Wife at a standstill? I was smashing a huge pile of pinecones trying to squeeze out milk, of course. I figure if you can get milk from soy, rice, almonds, and cashews, then I should be able to get milk from a pinecone. And we have a backyard full of pinecones.
Yep, pinecone milk, soon to be a Southern tradition. Should pad my retirement account quite nicely and help keep the yard clean too.
When I told The Wife what I was doing with the sledgehammer, she just walked away saying something under her breath. I think it was, “My husband is so brilliant. We are gonna be rich.”
Milk, it’s not just from cows anymore. When the next snowstorm hits don’t forget: pinecone milk. It’ll make a Southern body strong.
[Rick Ryckeley has been writing stories since 2001. To read more of Rick’s stories, visit his blog: storiesbyrick.wordpress.com.]
