Rosy Lopez was meeting with

a vendor in her office three years ago when the call came from her mother.

Again.

"She was hysterical, screaming

that there was a lady in her room stealing things and she was going to

call 911. I knew there was nobody there," Lopez said. "The sales

rep sat for half an hour while I calmed my mother down on the phone."

It was then that Lopez knew

she had to take action. Lopez, an administrative manager at McDermott

Will & Emery, called her firm's employee assistance hot line

and began to sort through a maze of elder-care options. Since then, Lopez

has adjusted every aspect of her life, from expanding her house to include

a room for her mom to hiring a full-time caregiver to coaching her own

children on how to behave toward grandma.

Many workers have learned that

elders' health crises often strike family members with little warning

and lots of disruption. If you are a working adult, chances are that you,

too, will assume eldercare responsibility at some point. The numbers say

as much. At least 16 percent of the workforce already provides elder care.

Life spans are lengthening and the ratio of elderly to middle-aged people

is expected to rise 50 percent by 2030, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

The numbers show that family members provide 80 percent of the care for

the aged.

Businesses have begun to realize

the difficulty employees face when juggling care for an elderly parent

or relative and carrying on their own lives. Though eldercare benefits

are still not as mainstream as those for childcare, some businesses are

offering referral services, subsidized elder care, emergency elder care,

and on-site eldercare centers. The Society of Human Resource Management

expects to see a steady increase in eldercare benefits in the next five

years, particularly through employee-assistance programs and flextime

arrangements.

How to care for an elder may

be even more relevant and problematic in communities where the culture

embraces parents living with their adult children. One friend of mine

found family members disapproved when she turned to an assisted living

facility after she found that caring for her mother at home, even with

a sitter, was too difficult.

The dilemma has forced some

workers to retire early, seek jobs with flexible hours and even take short

leaves.

Lopez has two teens of her

own and is the only child of parents who had her late in life. Her mother

was 45 years old. The trend toward late births is even more prevalent

these days.

"I find myself at the

age of 37 dealing with an 82-year-old mother who has Alzheimer's

- a whole new set of work and family issues."

Lopez hired a daytime caregiver

for her mother, an option that may elude others. She says she has learned

how to fit her mother's doctor's appointments into her work

schedule or make up the time she needs off.

"They are very accommodating

here, but if someone is at a new job or owns a small business, I don't

know how they do it," Lopez said.

Stan Douglas, a former banker,

has managed to care for his elderly mother, who has Huntington's

disease, while running an Internet travel business from his home. To do

this, Douglas built a duplex whose alternate side is occupied by his mother

and her caregiver. He and his wife share their side with his mother-in-law,

who is retired and self-sufficient.

"It's easier with

a home/office scenario because I'm readily available if my mother

needs me, but it's harder as well when I'm trying to take care

of business without interruptions," said Douglas, 50. Douglas has

lived with the arrangement for six years.

Douglas makes all decisions

on his mother's finances, care and medical treatment - calling

it "a time-consuming, emotional challenge."

Paul George says he was working

as a professor at Miami Dade College and a historian to the Historical

Museum of Southern Florida, and giving historical tours of Miami-Dade

County when his father passed away and he realized he needed help with

his mother, who had developed dementia.

"My mother had asked me

not to put her in a rest home," George said. Because his siblings

lived outside of Florida, George chose to buy his mother a condo near

his home and hire a live-in caregiver. Even though he followed through

on her wishes and had the legal paperwork in order, he was unprepared

for the emotional toll.

"Here was a wonderful

woman who I revered all my life, and I had to put her in the hands of

a stranger," said George, whose mother recently passed away. "Thank

God my job had some flexibility and I could schedule her medical appointments

around my classes."

Most working adults say there's

a lot of guilt and second-guessing associated with caring for an elderly

parent or relative, maintaining a personal life, and doing what's

financially feasible.

Monte Kane, a Miami CPA and

certified senior advisor, says people should ask elderly relatives their

wishes and financial resources before the situation becomes critical.

"If a caregiver gets too

worn out, it's not good for the person, or the elderly."

Back

to Prime Timers Home Page