picked up

my six-year-old son from school a few days ago. Rain was starting to fall

and as we drove home the raindrops spread across the windshield and ran

in horizontal lines across the side glass. I watched my son out of the

corner of my eye as he traced the lines in the water on the inside of

the glass with his finger.

I listened

as he talked to the droplets and it was clear he was lost in imaginary

play. I tried to listen carefully so I could gather clues to what he was

seeing in his mind and when I thought I knew what he was doing, I commented.

"Those

water drops are like racecars, aren't they, Benjamin?" I said.

"Yeah.

They are going really fast and crashing into each other," he answered,

never taking his eyes off the colliding water droplets.

He readily

allowed me into his imaginary world as we talked about the "racecars"

on the window and which one would win. It is difficult sometimes, even

though I work in the world of children almost every day, to remember to

join them in their imaginary worlds. More often than not, we require them

to join us in ours. Children are required to dress, eat, sit, stand, and

even play when and where we command. Some schools have even abandoned

total free play during recess, instead creating organized games that the

children must then engage. They are forced to abandon their imaginary

worlds for one that is more comfortable to adults.

We adults spend

most of our time in busy adult worlds and we may assume that our world

is the better place to be. Yet, when was the last time you played in a

sandbox, made up a story, or created something with Play dough? It can

be fun! I try to do this regularly, both with my clients and with my own

children.

For example,

my son got two sets of plastic Army helmets and miscellaneous Army gear

for Christmas. Numerous times we have donned our gear and played army

in the woods around our home. He is always the leader as we stalk imaginary

enemies and evade make-believe booby traps and ambushes. I look ridiculous

wearing the child-size helmet and carrying a plastic radio and compass.

People who live on my road must wonder about this 42-year-old man leaping

across the road (our imaginary river) into our neighbor's woods, but I

know it is all very exciting to my son. He can't get enough of it. Seeing

him immersed in his fantasy is exciting for me, too.

Children need

structure in their lives, of course, and if they did nothing except play

make-believe games they would never learn to read, write, do math, or

learn to engage in the "real" world. However, children also

need to play because it is the one thing in their lives over which they

have total control. They can be anything they want, go anywhere or do

anything.

Take a trip

into your child's imaginary world and you may be surprised how much your

child will engage with you. It is comfortable to them, like having a guest

into one's own home. They are at ease with what they know.

So why wouldn't

we want to play in a child's world? Several reasons are evident to me.

One reason

is we are simply too busy to engage with them. We are occupied with our

own lives or we just don't think about it.

Another reason

is we don't want to. It takes effort to play a child's game and we don't

want to look silly. Grownup games seem more fun to us (until you've learned

to play like a child).

Likewise, our

children sometimes have too much stuff going on to have time for us to

play with them. Soccer games, scouts, schoolwork, television, and video

games all monopolize their time. Why use your imagination if the work

can be done for you?

Finally, some

parents don't play because they don't know how. They have lost the ability

to play because they are out of practice. But you can relearn your natural

ability to play and use your imagination by simply putting your schedule

away and letting go of your inhibitions. Your child will appreciate you

for it.

I can hear

my son 10 years from now telling his own son how he and I used to play

army together in our woods. That will be exceptionally satisfying.

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