Last month

I began a two-part series on how to keep your child safe. I addressed

the first of four "developmental enemies" that work against

children and to the advantage of perpetrators - trust and obedience. This

month I conclude this series with the remaining three developmental "enemies"

to your child's safety - curiosity, silence, and perceived appearances.

Curiosity.

Perpetrators take advantage of children's natural curiosity and their

inability to set aside their immediate desires. For example, Megan Kanka

was abducted by her neighbor who lured her with promises to see a newborn

puppy. Other perpetrators have lured children with promises of games,

toys, or candy. Perpetrators might also say they need help with an injured

animal or ask the child to come sit with the injured animal while they

go for help.

Children are

not mature enough to ask themselves why some stranger would want to show

them a puppy or give them candy. Teach your child to use good judgment

and practice setting aside immediate desires. Self-discipline can help

your children in many ways as they mature. Role-playing a perpetrator

trying to abduct using a lure tactic can also be helpful. The child can

play both the role of the perpetrator and of the victim. Both roles will

help him or her learn how to be safe.

Silence.

The last thing a perpetrator wants is attention from bystanders. Yet there

have been many occasions where children have missed the opportunity to

get help.

In 1993, Richard

Allen Davis kidnapped Polly Klaas from her bedroom. She did not scream

as she was being abducted - her mother was sleeping in the next room -

and just a few hours after her abduction, Davis ran his car off the road

in a remote area. Two sheriff's deputies stopped to investigate the situation

and after checking for warrants, they actually helped Davis push his car

back onto the road. The entire time, Polly was in the trunk. After his

arrest, Davis admitted that Polly was alive at the time and he expressed

surprise that she did not yell out.

Likewise, in

Great Britain, also in 1993, two ten-year-old boys named Robert Thompson

and Jon Venables led two-year-old James Bulger out of a busy shopping

mall. For several hours they led him through the streets of Liverpool.

During this time dozens of people saw them and several people actually

talked to the boys. Bulger remained silent several times in the presence

of these potential rescuers, even when Jon Venables said that James was

their little brother.

Teach your

child to scream when in danger. For most of the day, children are told

to be quiet. Rarely, if ever, are they allowed to make unrestrained noise,

yet a noisy, screaming child is the very last thing a perpetrator wants.

People will walk through parking lots ignoring car alarms, but almost

any adult will pay attention to a screaming child.

If confronted

monopolizing the conversation, thereby making it difficult for thechild

to "politely" wait his turn to talk. Teach your children that

when they are in trouble, especially if they have been abducted, that

it is OK to interrupt the perpetrator when he is talking and that it is

OK to make noise.

Perceived

appearances. What does a bad guy look like? In the 1960s when I was

in grade school, local police officers came to our school and trained

us how to stay safe. A pamphlet that we were given telling us not to talk

to strangers showed a "bad" man in a big car approaching children.

What stands out in my mind about this brochure was the bad man's appearance.

Well-intentioned as it was, this was a very unrealistic teaching tool.

Even as a grade school child, I could tell who the bad man was simply

partially shadowed face he wore an evil expression.

While some

perpetrators do look the part, in real life the bad man does not always

look "bad." Ted Bundy,for example, was described as charming

and handsome by several people who knew him, including women who escaped

his abduction attempts.

Teach your

child to think about rules rather than looks. The rules include: never

talk to strangers, never get in a car with a stranger, never follow a

stranger out of a building, and never be lured by candy, money, or promises.

Rules overrule looks.

Hopefully,

these past two columns will help you ensure that your child will not become

a victim of a perpetrator. As always, however, nothing is more important

in keeping your child safe than adult supervision.

Have a safe

summer.

(This issue

is discussed in detail in my new book, "Wounded Innocents and Fallen

Angels," available June 2003, Praeger Publishing.)

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