I read an article

last month about a woman who was suing her employer because one of her

co-workers used a vague racial label that she found offensive. She sued

saying that the use of the epithet demonstrated that the workplace was

hostile and fostered racial discrimination.

Before I continue,

let me make it clear that I recognize that all forms of discrimination

exist, they are undesirable, and that we should strive to remove discrimination

from our culture. However, perceptions of superiority (based on gender,

race, religion, age, etc.) will always be a part of any culture. At some

point we must recognize the fact that there will always be hateful and

bigoted people among us. We cannot let that stop us from getting on with

life.

In the past

several decades we have moved from recognizing and prosecuting overt discrimination

to a ridiculous position that no one should ever be insulted or have their

feelings hurt. As a culture, that teaches our children a very unrealistic

lesson. In our home we do not use unkind words to refer to each other

and it is of utmost importance to my wife and I that our children use

words that build up not only their siblings, but also their friends.

Yet the reality

is that we all will have our feelings hurt at one time or another. Our

apparent cultural expectation that no one should ever say anything mean

to us distracts us from a more realistic expectation. Perhaps even more

importantly, it distracts us from a more helpful position that proposes

another's words will not determine how we feel about ourselves.

Most of us

recognize that often when our children have their feelings hurt by some

unkind or thoughtless thing someone has said to them, either intentionally

or on purpose, that the most appropriate response is to ignore it. Little

minds use little words, we say. Let them call names all they want. You

are bigger than that, we tell our children.

Yet in the

workplace, when the very same thing happens to us, we need a lawyer to

ensure that the offender is duly punished for creating a "hostile"

environment. Where we could be teaching our children by our example to

stretch beyond personal hurts, embracing a mantra that says, "Nothing

- not hatefulness, bigotry, or thoughtlessness - can stand in my way as

I pursue my life's goals," instead, we chant, "get a lawyer."

I say, "Get

a life."

Lawsuits and

punitive damages may occasionally be necessary to silence systemic racism

and bias. However, as individuals, we need to thicken our skins a little

bit. It appears that we are trying to create a culture where nobody will

ever say anything that could possibly be interpreted as derogatory. The

finger-pointing that goes on among supposedly mature adults reminds me

of the petty arguing I hear from children when they cry, "He called

me a name!"

Enough already.

I know who I am and it doesn't matter what you call me. I want my children

to develop that same mentality. It doesn't matter if a classmate calls

them stupid, ugly, dumb, or any other name - they are what they are, regardless

of some thoughtless label thrust upon them by some small-minded, ignorant,

or bigoted person.

I recognize

that anyone who dares raise this issue is likely to be branded a bigot.

I don't deny racism, sexism, ageism, or a host of other "isms."

Of course there are bigots in our country and there is no denying that

many people have suffered, been denied equal access to services, and been

hatefully targeted because of their skin color, gender, age, or some other

variable.

What I deny

is that anyone in the culture can determine how I feel about myself simply

deny that I should expect my children never to have their feelings hurt.

It is this position that I choose and I challenge you to do the same.

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