A few months

ago, I was enjoying a meal in a local restaurant when the man at the table

next to me began to make mild sexual advances to the waitress. The young

server was about 24 while the customer had to be in his late 50s or early

60s. The waitress carefully extracted herself from the situation with

a smile and a flip comment and went her way.

Later, I asked

her if this guy bothered her. "Yes," she replied, "I hate

that kind of stuff. But we have to be nice to everybody, even jerks like

that."

Then, just

the other day, I was having lunch with a friend when the server came to

refill our glasses of tea. I noticed that she had lost her smile and said,

"Are you okay?" She sat down and replied, "No, not really."

"What's the trouble?" my friend inquired. It seems that a customer

had berated her and insulted her in front of other customers and it devastated

her. "And there's nothing I can do about it," she said.

So, I decided

to ask several servers in sit-down restaurants a question. The question

was, "If you could say whatever you wanted to the people who sit

at your tables, what would it be?" To the 90 percent of the customers

who are great, the servers said, "Thank you! We appreciate you!"

But here's what they would like to say to the other 10 percent:

"We only

make $2.13 an hour." Servers depend on tips to make a living. Unlike

some occupations where the tips come on top of the fee (for example, a

barber or hairdresser), servers cannot possibly live off their hourly

wage.

"We are

not slaves, we are food servers." One of the biggest complaints was

about customers who are rude to the servers. "It's like they believe

that, because we are servers, it is no longer correct to say 'please'

and 'thank you.'" One server said, "I have one customer who

finishes the order by saying, 'Now!'" As in, "I'd like a Diet

Coke, NOW!" Several of those questioned wished that some customers

would simply treat them with some modicum of dignity.

"We wish

we could tell some customers to not come back!" Admittedly, the servers

enjoy the 98 percent of customers who come into their care. But there

are some they wish would go away and not come back. Some make sexually

explicit remarks. Others are foul-mouthed. Still others are loud, rude,

and demanding. One server thought it would be a great idea to tattoo a

"warning label" on the forehead of one of her regulars. "Warning

crude, rude, and does not tip!" It's good to be nice. It's one thing

to good-naturedly flirt. But servers do not want to have sex with

you or listen to you talk about their body parts. Get a life.

"I wish

I could say to some customers, 'How much do you make a year?'"

Interestingly, most of the servers agreed that some of their wealthiest

customers are the stingiest tippers. On the other hand, some of the customers

of very modest means are among the most generous. "I have this one

guy who must make $200,000 a year. Yet the most he ever tips is 9-10 percent.

You'd think he could afford to tip better." Oh, the church crowd

is among the stingiest group, by the way. C'mon, people, don't you think

that Jesus would tip well? Sure he would!

"Put

your money where your mouth is." Some customers, it was explained,

lavish generous praise on the server at the end of the meal, only to add

a very small tip or no tip at all. This means that they received very

excellence service and the server only made $2.13 for the hour that he

or she worked the table.

"I have

bills to pay, too, ya know." One server, with three children, is

trying to buy a house. To do this, he needs to save $5,000 during the

next six months. That's hard to do on $2.13 an hour. The tips make all

the difference. Another is a single mom with a small child to house, clothe,

and feed. If she works 40 hours a week, without tips, she will make $85.20

a week, before taxes. That's $4,430.40 a year. "Well, they should

go to college!" one may say. In the current economy, it is not unusual

to have college graduates waiting tables as they search for work.

As for myself,

I very rarely receive poor service in my community. I know many of the

servers by name and may even know something about their family. In many

cases, I know where they go to church or if they go at all. I almost never

have to ask for a refill (and I drink a lot of water or tea) and I almost

always have a wonderful dining experience. Some of the servers even give

me a hug when I leave. Except for the male servers the guys don't hug

me.

My secret?

I am always (well, almost always) nice, polite, and treat the servers

with respect and dignity. If I have the time and am not dining with someone,

I express interest in them and their life. And, most importantly, I tip.

It is very rare that I tip less that 15 percent and most of the time,

it is more than that. I have found that I get the best service in town

and always with a smile. Oh, did I mention that servers make $2.13 an

hour?

[Father David

Epps is rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church, which

meets at 10 a.m. Sundays at 4881 E. Hwy 34. He may be contacted at 770-252-2428,

at [email protected] or at www.ctkcec.org.]