Unfortunately,

after Chelsey and I got it completely decorated, the next day, my fears

were confirmed: It wasn't drinking any water. I had to call John and ask

him when he came home from work Saturday night to bring in an electric

saw to do the job.

Picture this.

Saturday night, he comes home from working all day. He looks like a cat

that had just dried off after crawling out of a full bathtub. I generously

volunteer to crawl under the tree and unscrew the four prongs that hold

the tree erect. Once I get some play in it, John and Chelsey attempt to

lift it straight up out of the water reservoir. No such luck. It's still

too tight. I return to unscrewing until I am convinced there is enough

play in it. Now, with one mighty heave, out it comes like the world's

largest carrot.

Now that the

tree is dry, but fully decorated, it's slimmed down to a nice 200 pounds.

This is a nine-foot Fraser Fir we're talking about. Now it's John's turn

to crawl under the tree, armed with a bat attitude and his Sawz-All. Oh

goodie. It's my job to hold onto a leaning, 200 pound, vibrating tree.

I have ornaments jabbing me in the eye, and branches getting way too personal,

thank you.

For whatever

reason, this is not a quick process. At one point I heard John bark something

about it "binding." That was my cue to wrestle the tree around

a little bit so he could get a better angle. If this had been on video,

I could be a very rich woman.

Now we're back

to the vibrating tree routine. Every needle that had ever thought of falling

off, surrendered. Ornaments that lacked cementing to their respective

branches threw in the towel and fell with little clinking sounds at my

feet. You never see this scene on a Currier & Ives card, do you?

But I am happy

to report that the next day I discovered that the tree was drinking. Smart

tree. I wish I'd have thought of that.

Vicki Hughes

Fayetteville

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