Okay, take

a seat. This news is going to shock you. There are only 67 days until

Christmas.

I know, the

weather is like Miami Beach and you're still piecing together a costume

to fulfill your child's Halloween fantasy, but Santa's reindeer are riding

on the coattails of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Forget that

you haven't loaded up on miniature Snicker bars, Reese's cups and Milky

Ways yet, to eat and hand out to trick or treaters, you must think ahead

your local retailers have.

Artificial

pine boughs sporting red ribbons have been spotted at the Fayette Pavilion

Belk store along with those heaps of costume jewelry sets in gold embossed

boxes. SteinMart has its share of Christmas tree pins, earrings and velvety

party clothes and every store on the planet is stocked with scooters,

this year's answer to in-line skates.

Craft stores

have had ornaments and decorations available since the Fourth of July.

I admit, I did make a sneak purchase of those hard-to-find bubble lights

when I went back-to-school shopping with the kids, but I drew the line

at buying color-coordinated garlands.

The blur of

pre-holiday shopping has me in a state of total confusion. Should I buy

a frozen turkey at the same time I pick up my Halloween Snickers? Or do

I live on the edge and wait until the weekend before Thanksgiving before

searching for the perfect Butterball?

My son has

already alerted me that the new Matt Hoffman pro-skater video game for

Nintendo 64 will be snapped up the minute it hits the store shelves. Release

date sometime in November. Of course this is the only thing he really

wants for Christmas.

I should have

been alert to the fact that the holidays were just another maxed-out credit

card away when I had to pry my mail out of the box, which was crammed

full of gift catalogs. Neiman Marcus' big gift for the year 2000 is a

private submarine. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

I tore the ad out and magnetized it to the refrigerator. Hint, hint.

So there you

have it Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Be scared, be thankful

and rejoice, the Lord has come! And remember, Valentine's Day is just

a SweeTart away.

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