My friend Maurice said something

to me a few weeks ago that reminded me of something very important. We

don't give good kids enough praise.

There is so much going on in

our culture that is shameful, discouraging, or frightening. Teenagers

perpetrate many crimes and tragic events that occupy the headlines of

the news media. In fact, people under the age of 25 commit most violent

crime.

We see young people driving

recklessly and dying in automobile accidents. They are caught drinking

at parties and arrested for bashing mailboxes. In our own county, groups

of teenagers have been arrested for fighting. Yet what we sometimes fail

to realize is how many great kids there are who never get into any trouble.

Young people who are causing

problems get our attention at home, at church and at school. The Sheriff's

Department could probably identify several teenagers by name in our county

that are repeatedly arrested or suspected of illegal behaviors. Yet how

do we reward the kids who are doing well?

Some high schools identify

the "athlete of the week" or some other special position of

honor in the system, but that isn't what I'm talking about. I am glad

there are good athletes, but how do we identify and praise the young people

who are studying hard, assisting in community service, active in their

churches, or simply staying out of trouble because they are nice people?

Even though I work with troubled

children for a living, the list of good kids I know would be longer than

my list of troubled kids. I wish space would allow me to list all of the

good kids that I know.

In my clinical practice, I

see children who have committed crimes against property and persons. They

are sometimes difficult children and they are not always pleasant to be

around. However, much of the week outside of my practice, I am also around

children of various ages who give their parents and teachers almost no

trouble at all.

There are many young people

who listen to their parents, do their homework, work hard at part-time

jobs, and keep out of trouble. Most of these kids do not steal, lie, or

vandalize the property of others.

They are respectful to their

elders, teachers and parents and they serve their community and world

in productive ways. They have noble, long-range goals and they are working

hard to reach those goals.

It is unfortunate that we do

not invest more energy in noticing those who are doing right. I try to

regularly use praise with my own children.

I was watching my eldest daughter

with her friends the other day and another parent said to me, "Do

you worry about her as she approaches adolescence?" I know that my

daughter could make bad decisions and I want the best for her, but I really

don't worry. I know she is a good child and I trust her. She has never

given me any reason not to. I try to make sure she knows how proud I am

of her.

I look for times when my children

are working hard at their home duties, school work, or some other productive

behavior and I praise them for it. "I'm noticing that you have been

especially polite to mom these last few days," I might say to one

of my children. Unfortunately, it is easiest to ignore our children when

there are no problems and then to give them plenty of attention when they

have messed up.

In summary, my suggestion to

you is to look for ways to catch your children or your students being

good. Thanks for the reminder, Maurice!