All right,

Fayettevillians, there's good news and there's bad news

for those of you who are concerned about the Hooters

issue.

The bad

news (for those who oppose Hooters) is that the

Fayetteville Planning Commission would be hanging by a

very thin thread, legally speaking, if it were to deny a

development plan for Hooters based on moral issues.

The

commission has no legal leg to stand on if it turns down

a restaurant because its wait staff is scantily clad and

its logo is offensive to the sensitive.

True, the

city does have an ordinance that regulates sexually

oriented establishments - basically regulates them

right out of town - and it could possibly be argued

that Hooters is a sexually oriented establishment. But in

order for that ordinance to hold up in court, it has to

be very specifically worded as to which body parts can

and can't be shown, how much touching between customers

and performers (er, I mean waitresses) is allowed, and

that sort of thing.

I'm no

legal expert, but I think the commission would find

itself shockingly exposed, legally, if it denied Hooters

on those sorts of grounds.

The good

news, for opponents, is that there are so many other

hurdles the Hooters people will have to get over that I

will be very surprised if we ever see the old owl eyes

winking at us as we drive along Highway 85.

Hurdle

number 1: The proposed site for the restaurant is smack

across the street from Kids R Kids day care center.

That's an

emotional issue for opponents, who argue that allowing

sexually oriented establishments into town sets a bad

example for the younger set. With the restaurant's back

side right in plain view of a school, fuel is naturally

added to that flame.

But getting

down to the bare legal issues that the commission must

deal with, the question is whether the day care center

qualifies as a school, because establishments that serve

alcohol are not allowed within 300 feet of schools.

Hurdle

number 2: If that question is resolved in favor of

Hooters, then there are the itty bitty, nitty gritty

technical issues that the Planning Commission deals with

every week. Fayetteville's planners are famous (or

infamous, depending upon your point of view) for making

companies, especially franchise type businesses, toe the

line on the fine points of the city's architectural

standards.

Hooters,

like so many before it, came to the city with a building

that looks like an amusement park, asking the city to

vary its standards so the company can put forth its

corporate image.

Not gonna

happen.

A franchise

building that is identifiable as such is nothing but a

great big sign, and Fayetteville's sign laws allow only

one small sign per building.

If it wants

to live in Fayetteville, Hooters is going to have to

redraw its plans so that its building fits Fayetteville's

image, rather than asking the city to redraw its

ordinances so the city will fit Hooters' image.

Hurdle

number 3: There is the small matter of some major

improvements on Banks Road, required of JDN Development

Corp., developer of the shopping center Hooters wants to

nest in.

JDN made

some of the required improvements, but more are required

in its development agreement with the city before anymore

businesses can be added to the center. JDN is in

financial trouble, so don't expect to see those

improvements tomorrow or the next day.

I have been

blown out of the water before on predictions like this,

and if it happens this time, I'll eat my crow pie next

week.

But I'll be

amazed if the commission approves the development plan

next week. I give it about a 40 percent chance of

outright denial, and a 60 percent chance of being tabled

so the company can try and work out the problems with

city ordinances.

Until those

problems are dealt with, Hooters is flapping in the

breeze.

Meanwhile,

people who are not so opposed to Hooters are kind of

quietly hoping the deal goes through so that Fayetteville

will have a sports bar. In addition to scantily clad

waitresses, most Hooters locations also have a bunch of

big screen TV's tuned to sporting events, so the patrons

will have something to look at while the waitresses are

in the kitchen turning in orders, I suppose.

There's not

really a good sports bar in Fayetteville. There are some

restaurants with TV's, but they're not set up so that

every seat can see, and they're not all big screens.

I'll bet if

someone were to come up with a plan for a sports

bar/restaurant with a different name and different logo

and it met all the city's architectural guidelines and

was built in a properly zoned location (preferably one of

the many empty commercial buildings around town), it

would be approved with hardly a stir.

And if that

person had plans to dress waitresses in hot pants and

halters, that wouldn't be an issue, because there's no

place in the city's approval process where the developer

is asked, "What exactly will your waitresses (or

waiters) be wearing?"

The

objection to Hooters seems to be that it's so... well, out there.