According

to a recent article in The New York Times, the Pokemon

craze is wearing down.

Quarterly

ratings figures show that episodes of the animated series

are down nearly a million viewers both on weekday

mornings and afternoons and Saturday mornings. That's

even more shocking to the creators in light of the fact

that the sequel to their hit movie is scheduled to be

released in two weeks. They are frantically running

around Hollywood and Tokyo wondering if there will be

anyone in the theaters.

It is clear

what I must do: Invent the new craze that will sweep

children off their feet and their parents' money into my

bank account. I shall call my billion-dollar creation

- Country Monkeys!

The theme

song: They're roommates, they're bunkies/ in school they

all were flunkies/ They laugh a lot and play all day/

They're the country monkeys. (Repeat 12 times speeding up

each time).

What is

Country Monkeys all about? The story takes place in a

mythical land called Recluvinon. There are four monkey

brothers; Doe, Ree, Tow and Sss. (Get the tie in? These

monkeys will be selling everything). The four brothers

are good-natured and kind of stupid, but when their

friends in Recluvinon get in trouble, the brothers team

up and form Monculus, a giant robotic ape capable of

crushing any opposition and flying.

If it

sounds like Voltron and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,

that's because it is like those two programs. Pokemon was

so successful because it blended lots of old plot lines

and character studies together. It was also successful

because it built the craze up from ground zero, which is

what I intend to do.

Country

Monkeys will start as a hand-held video game, progress to

a trading card game, become an animated series, a set of

choose-your-own-adventure books, stuffed animals,

collectable figurines and, finally, hit movies.

Here's a

scene from the pilot episode of Country Monkeys. The

episode is entitled, "Dr. Jackyl's Cave of

Terror."

Doe: Come

on, you monkeys, let's go in this cave and rescue Zebra

Gabor.

Tow: I'm

a-scared, Doe. This cave looks creepy.

Ree: We're

not scaredy cats, we're the Country Monkeys and we're not

afraid of anything.

Sss: I'm

afraid of heights.

Doe: That's

it! It's time to form Monculus and show Dr. Jackyl who's

boss (holds fist up high). By the power of Monkeys,

Ree: From

all over the country

Tow: It's

time to get funky

Sss: And

become -

All:

(booming voices) Monculus !!

Gripping,

isn't it? All I have to do is find the financial backing

to get the ball rolling. If you know anybody who has lots

of money to spend (or anybody that works for the

Frito-Lay Corporation and can get me a meeting), have

them give me a call at the paper.

I also have

ideas for the Country Monkeys on Ice Spectacular, the

Country Monkeys Billiards and Darts Tournament, Country

Monkeys Psychic Phone Lines, and the Country Monkeys

Breakfast Wheels. The Breakfast Wheels are solidified

bars of cereal, eggs, toast, breakfast meats and milk,

shaped like the Country Monkeys.

And I

promise that I will spend a portion of my immense profits

on developing Country Monkey Land. The amusement park

will be a wonderful, handicap-accessible park with rides

based on the television series and products. Patrons can

tour the Breakfast Wheel plant or even the animation

factory. There will be 15 roller coasters based on each

episode of the show and a humongous indoor ferris wheel

illustrating the Country Monkeys' evolution from primates

to preventers of evil.

I will also

form several foundations to help the less fortunate

citizens of the world. There will be the Country Monkeys

Assistance for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, the Country

Monkeys Showbiz Child Fund, and the Country Monkeys

Plastic Surgery Undoing Foundation.

Help my

dream and the dreams of others come true. When you see

Country Monkeys hit the market, buy as much as you can

and try to steer your children to these wonderful

programs and products.

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