I am

traveling to Los Angeles as I write this and the world

news looks the same on this side of the country. Over

here, though, more of it passes you by while you are in

your car stuck in traffic.

Speaking of traffic, what

irony that the only two women in the Indy 500 not only

crashed, but crashed into each other. I am sure Jay Leno

has beaten me to the punch for all the good "women

driving" jokes, yet the first thought that struck me

was - I bet the 19-year-old woman driver was putting

on her makeup and the 52-year-old was on the cell phone.

Either way, it is doubtful

women will ever be a real challenge to men in a race

where men can just drive round and round in circles,

which we seem to be suited for anyway. Women would,

however, win hands down in a race that required men to

read a map or ask for directions.

It's been big in the news

about Dana Carvey's botched bypass surgery. What? He's

not dead? Well, maybe his career. Actually, he was very

funny recently on the celebrity "Who Wants to Be a

Millionaire." It looks like he is going to be fine

now and maybe cheat the Saturday Night Live death curse.

If you haven't heard, they did a bypass surgery on his

heart and bypassed the wrong artery.

Once I had the cable man

route the coaxial into the wrong room and I thought that

was bad. Can you imagine having your chest cracked open,

spending weeks in recovery and rehabilitation, finally

come home and go... "You know, I still can't walk up

the stairs without needing CPR." At least with the

cable guy, he gave me a month free of HBO. Carvey was

given a free, all expense trip to... angioplasty.

Speaking of HBO, I want to

finish with some comments on the cable-channel's sitcom,

"Sex in the City." I don't get HBO, but travel

enough that I have seen the glam-porn show. It's not

that's it really pornographic as much as it is

porno-moronic.

Sarah Jessica Parker, who

was an original "Annie," has given a new

meaning to the song, "It's A Hard Knock Life,"

all the while, wearing incredibly fashionable outfits

that get left on the floor more than a 6-year-old child's

toys. The whole bunch of these women are like a bad

Penthouse fantasy letter: they are immensely beautiful,

incredibly smart and will sleep with any man who owns a

full set of teeth and a Mastercard. Yeah, this is

realistic.

This show is like

"Petticoat Junction" if it were written by Hugh

Hefner. Instead of all the girls talking about silly boy

things, these women talk about things that would make a

construction worker blush. Of course, if there was a

construction worker in the show, by the end of the

episode Kim Catrell would have him tied to the bed

begging for his "mommy."

Right now, I can see a

million guys heading to New York City expecting to find

one of these "dream" girls. But come on, this

is New York City, you better remember the essentials,

plenty of cab fare and ... penicillin. "If I can

catch it there, I'll share it everywhere." Dream on,

people, and just go back to watching a show grounded much

more in realism, "Who Wants to Be a

Millionaire."

[Visit Billy Murphy on

the Internet at https://ebilly.net.]