"You're

a meanie!"

That is how my

three-year-old son described me not long ago when he

wanted something that I would not let him have. He

stomped away, certain that I was the meanest dad in the

whole world. I don't remember what it was that he wanted,

but I can assure you that the reason I would not agree to

his request was because it was not in his best interest.

How many times do parents

find themselves faced with this attitude? Unfortunately,

it is not just from three-year-olds, either.

Grade school children

complain because the want to stay up later than we know

they should. Middle school children argue that they

should be allowed to go to a party without mom

"nosing in" to find out where it will be.

High school children are

insulted that they have to bring themselves in by

midnight. They try to convince us that the most important

thing that will ever take place in history will happen

just after their curfews.

Don't you wish that in some

way you could convince your children that you are only

trying to protect them and teach them to be responsible?

A mother asked me a few

weeks ago how she could get her adolescent daughter to

understand that she (the mother) got no pleasure from

grounding her for violating a rule. I know this woman

wanted the same thing I want so often. She wanted to have

a reasonable conversation with this 13-year-old and at

the end of the conversation, she wanted her daughter to

say, "I see, now, that you only want what is best

for me. I understand that I can't always see the benefit

of your discipline so I'll just accept your wisdom and

hope I learn from this experience."

Obviously, there was

nothing that she could say that would appease her

daughter and the response we wish for is pure fantasy.

Not only do I know this because I am trained to

understand children, but even more so because I remember

being a child.

How sure I was that my

parents sat around into the wee hours of the morning,

plotting ways to make my life miserable. Anytime their

imaginations went dry, I was sure they called in

consultants to help them devise punishments and rules for

the sole purpose of making me unhappy. I laugh now when I

think of how logical it all seemed to me then.

Good parents will find

their children angry with them occasionally. Doing the

right thing often means doing the hard thing.

Disciplining my children has the power to bring me to the

edge of tears because I don't want them hating me - even

though I know their `hate' won't last.

How much easier it would be

not to care? How much easier it would be to take the path

of least resistance, to avoid the argument or

confrontation? Yet to take the easy route would be

irresponsible.

The work of being a good

parent involves enduring false accusations, hateful

looks, and the silent treatment. Haven't we all at one

time or another driven home from school, the store, or

church, and caught the `evil' glare of our child in the

back seat of the car who is angry over some issue?

Parenting is sort of like

the stock market. It pays its dividends over many years.

If you expect short-term windfalls, you will be

disappointed, but diligence in the parenting department

will produce honorable, decent human beings over time.

At my place of employment,

I work with more than a dozen very dedicated parents

whose children are grown. I watched them with their

children when their children were young and I know how

seriously they took their jobs as parents. Now that their

children are grown, I see what fine people they have

become and many times I have thought that I would be

proud if my children grew up to be like them.

Through their examples,

these parents have encouraged me and I encourage you to

be patient and endure the storms, because the cost is

worth it.