We all have

fears of certain things. These are called phobias.

Technically, a phobia is a fear that is illogical or

irrational. Being afraid in some instances is good. As a

child we learn, correctly, that we should be fearful when

we cross the street.

Yet, in some instances our

fears can become ridiculous (for instance, when a person

is afraid of entering an elevator). Even worse, when a

person enters an elevator and is afraid, someone there

had onions for lunch, or someone else will say,

"Does this look infected to you?" Or, someone

else will say, "I'm not just a Jehovah's Witness,

I'm an Amway salesman, too."

Personally, I just have a

fear of getting a phobia. Could this be called

phobaphobia? Here are some of the ones I have had lately.

Maybe you have them, too?

ALABAMAPHOBIA - The

fear that your family reunion's theme this year is

"Let's Play the Dating Game."

CATHERINE-ZETA-JONESAPHOBIA - Previously unnamed

fear of every woman married to a man going through a

mid-life crisis and desiring a younger woman.

GOODGODAPHOBIA - Fear

of finding a hair in your soup, then discovering James

Brown is your waiter and Don King is your cook.

FRENCH-ZOMBIAPHOBIA -

Fear that walking dead not only have come from the grave

but desire big, wet, sloppy kisses.

ROKERAPHOBIA - Waking

up in the middle of the night and fearing that the person

lying under the covers, next to you in bed is a burly TV

weatherman.

BUBBLEAPHOBIA - While

trying to impress a girl in the swimming pool, fear that

you will get one of those huge air bags in the front of

your bathing trunks.

AD NAUSEAMPHOBIA -

Fear you get in church when minister is still talking 20

minutes after he has said, "In conclusion...."

INTERNETAPHOBIA - Fear

shared by every person 45 or older.

ACMEAPHOBIA - Fear

that maladroit manufacturing company will finally develop

product that enables coyote to seize and devour

roadrunner.

DRABAPHOBIA - Fear of

UPS deliverymen wearing brown uniform shirts, shorts,

socks and shoes.

BUTTAPHOBIA - Fear of

being at the end of every joke found in America (see

also, Goreitis, Venturatenza, Gates Syndrome and

originator, Michael Jackson Disease).

DAVIDCROSBYAPHOBIA -

Fear an overweight reformed drug addicted convicted felon

will volunteer to father your child.

PHOTOPHOBIA - Fear,

while looking through someone's family album, they say,

"Hurry up, we have seven more to go."

HILLARYAPHOBIA - Fear

of encountering Arkansasian trollop that results in

catastrophic life events (e.g., Bill Clinton, Vince

Foster, Web Hubbell, James McDougal and David Letterman).

ANOREXAPHOBIA - Fear

of losing weight found among obese, death row inmates.

ORWELLAPHOBIA - Fear

your pet will turn the tables on you by holding you down

and tickling your stomach or turning your ears inside

out.

[Visit Billy Murphy on

the Internet at https://billymurphy.homepage.com .]