A reader

wrote and asked me what was a child's ideal age for a

parent to talk to her about sex.

I told him

that I believed that almost every age is ideal. The thing

that changes is the level of detail. Many parents

perceive the discussion of the facts of life as a single

conversation. On the contrary, I think it should be an

ongoing dialog. A parent should look for appropriate

opportunities to have short discussions on the topic

throughout childhood.

Christmas

may seem like an unusual time for an article on the facts

of life, but it really isn't. I was driving my

11-year-old daughter home from church a couple of weeks

ago and we began talking about the "miracle of the

virgin birth" that we had heard about in a Christmas

program. I asked her if she understood what a virgin was

and why the birth of Christ was called a miracle. That

question was an open door for a conversation about the

facts of life.

Sex

education may begin with discussion of body parts in

early years. When children are very young and first

learning to label body parts, I don't think it really

matters whether you teach them appropriate anatomical

terms for sexual organs, but I have chosen to use

nontechnical terms. The sole reason is I don't want my

children using an embarrassing term in a public place.

However, if you are willing to risk a little

embarrassment, I don't think it really matters.

As children

get a little older, they are ready for more information.

When my wife was pregnant with our son, my middle

daughter was only 3. Discussions about the pregnancy with

her at that age were very limited, but she knew the baby

was in her mommy's tummy.

My

8-year-old daughter, however, was old enough to know more

details. We looked at a computer program that shows

three-dimensional images of the body, the skeleton, and

organs. Among the many things we talked about was the

uterus. I was able to show my older daughter where the

baby was and how she, as a female, was different from me

as a male.

I have

taken many opportunities to talk with each of my children

about sexual issues as was appropriate for their ages.

For example, when my sixth grader asked me what AIDS was,

that gave me an opportunity to talk about sexually

transmitted diseases. My wife has also talked with both

of my daughters several times about a woman's cycle and

what it means.

After many

conversations like this, the detailed discussion of the

actual act of intercourse that my daughter and I had that

night on the way home from church was just one more in a

very long line of discussions.

This

process makes the conversations less threatening to both

parent and child. It also reduces the likelihood of

confusion. If a child doesn't understand in the single

conversation, she may be too embarrassed to ask

questions. If the dialog continues over several years,

she will be more likely to ask questions, she will be

less threatened, and she will hopefully develop

responsible habits.

An

unfortunate truth is that there are many children in our

culture these days that are sexually active in their

grade school years. However, even if you think your

children know the facts of life, they may not. One of the

reasons for pregnancy in the teenage years is

misinformation about sex.

I have

worked with children who thought they could get pregnant

if they kissed. Others believed they could not get

pregnant if they held their breath during intercourse.

These are just two examples of misinformation that open

communication and repeated discussions between loving

parents and their children can correct.

I look for

appropriate opportunities for short conversations about

many important topics. Sex is just one of them. Of

course, one must consider a child's developmental age

when deciding how much information to provide, but the

conversation can occur regardless of age.

This most

recent conversation about sex may not be my last with my

oldest child. I'll wait and see what other opportunities

arise where such a conversation may be appropriate.

However, maybe next time the catalyst for such a

conversation will not seem so unusual as a Christmas

play!