Often these

days, you will read in the monthly periodicals about how

we are all living longer and that many American families

are taking care of their elderly moms and dads and family

members at home.

This issue

is a very emotionally charged one because it involves

family values and one's faith structure or the lack of

both. Some families would not dream of taking an elderly

relative into their homes. Other families wouldn't dream

of any other option, so here you have the clash of the

value titans.

After you

sift through all those issues and you decide to take a

family member into your home, then you deal with the new

dynamics of someone else living in the home with the

family. Then there are the guilt issues whether you keep

them home or in another location. Issues that you are not

doing enough for the persons that, through God, gave you

birth.

In my

family structure and value system we believe that you

keep someone at home as long as physically possible. This

scenario, however, had some long-reaching and

health-damaging results for my mother.

My father

was the finest man I have ever known and if you have ever

read more than two of my articles, my parents will

eventually be mentioned because of the loving Christian

impact they both have had on my life and the lives of

many people. Dad got glaucoma and went blind nine years

before he went to be with the Lord. He also developed

dementia, which is similar to Alzheimers.

He also

could not walk. This combination of mom trying to keep

him at home and give him the best care possible, started

working on her health. Finally, her health was

deteriorating to the point where she could no longer take

care of him. It finally became necessary to put him into

the VA nursing home.

This

decision was the right decision by far, but mother felt

she had betrayed Dad and our family faith values and the

vows they had made one to the other. Mom went through

some deep depression over her decision.

I am

sharing all this because many families are dealing with

these same issues through this holiday season. I have

learned and am still learning some very important

lessons. First of all, go to God in earnest prayer on

these issues and seek his guidance. Secondly, be sure

that the whole family, to the best of your ability, is

all in harmony with these issues of bringing Mom or Dad

into the home.

Also the

decision made needs to be the best for all involved

including the family care givers.

Thirdly,

realize that what you set up for your care plan today can

change tomorrow because of the medical situation. If you

decide to take a family member into your home, get in

touch with the home health care people. These folks are

angels of mercy. They will come into your home and help

out at various levels.

Finally,

remember that you are modeling how you want your family

to take care of you when you get old.

A prayer

for us all. "Our Heavenly Father thank you for your

care and love for us in that while we were yet sinners,

Christ died for us. We thank and praise you for your

mercy and forever kindness to us even when we get old and

cannot take care of ourselves. Be with all the families

who are going through these times of care for family

members both in our homes, hospitals, and in nursing care

facilities. May we all exercise the love of Jesus in

these situations. Amen"

The Rev.

Dr. Knox Herndon is the pastor of His House Community

Church (SBC), a substitute school teacher in the Fayette

County school system, and a former Army chaplain. The

church is currently meeting in the American Legion Log

Cabin across from the fountain on the Square in

Fayetteville. Prayer line 770-719-2365; e-mail [email protected]