Here are my

annual rewrites of popular Christmas tunes, bringing them

up-to-date.

"Regis the Game Show

Host" to the tune of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed

Reindeer":

Regis the game show

ho-ho-host

Had an awful lot of cash

And if you ever saw him

You would like a piece of

his stash.

All of the game contestants

Laugh and like to call his

name.

Please, Mr. Regis Philbin,

Please let me into your

game.

Then one foggy Tuesday

night,

Regis came to say-hay...

Contestant Deb is a ballet

dancer,

And, oh, Debbie is that

your final answer?

Then how the sponsors loved

it,

All the money that the

ratings earn

'cause all the game

contestants

Get nervous and they crash

and burn,

Get nervous and they crash

and burn.

"Jesse around the

Christmas Tree" to the Tune of "Rock Around the

Christmas Tree":

Jesse around the Christmas

tree

The Minnesota governor's

wearing Tattoo's big black boots,

He's Santa's little

wrestle-er.

Jesse around the Christmas

tree,

He says you gotta stand up

for yourself

But when he's hungry

He turns mean,

He ate five of Santa's

elves

He will take a candy cane

and ram it in your ear...

His voice is saying

Let's have some fun,

But you need to call 9 - 1

- 1!

Jesse around the Christmas

tree,

Have a happy holiday.

Don't look now

But he just threw Santa

Out of his sleigh,

Threw Santa out of his

sleigh.

"Felicity" to the

Tune of "Silver Bells":

See the blond hair,

See the blank stare,

See the melancholy.

Oh it can't be that bad,

To be in college;

You're always depressed

And a big mess

But you sure dress with

style

But why did you cut off

your hair?

Felicity... Have you ever

smiled?

Felicity....are you in

denial?

Please take some Prozac for

Christmas, Felicity...

Oh why so glum, Felicity?

Try some lithium,

Please try to smile

Christmas Day."

"Pokemon" to the

tune of "Jingle Bells":

Dashing through the crowds

With a plastic Mastercard

Off the shelf we take

The boxes fast and hard.

Fighting for our chance

To make our children glow

What pain it is

To fight for toys

Made in Mexico, Ooh...

Pokemon, Pokemon,

Make my little yellow

friend.

Oh, what fun it is

To shop until

The bitter end.

Pokemon, Pokemon,

Exactly what are you?

If it wasn't for

My little boy,

I'd kill you with my shoe!

[Visit Billy Murphy's

homepage at https://billymurphy.homepage.com .]

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