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New year, new life

Sallie Satterthwaite

Lifestyle Columnist

To a daughter marrying on New Year's Day:

Our dearest Jean,

For all of us, the coming of a New Year is full of promise and expectation, but rarely so much as this one

for you. Never has the cliche, "the first day of the rest of your life," meant so much.

Late last evening, after Christmas Eve services, I stayed up and polished years of tarnish from a silver

water pitcher that once belonged to your grandmother and from a tea set that was her mother's. You said, years

ago, that you would like to have them when you married and had a home of your own.

That time has come.

Scrubbing and polishing those ornate pieces gave me time for reflection, literally and figuratively.

There's satisfaction in work that results in transformation.

I didn't make those pieces silver they were silver before they left the hands of the artisan who

shaped them but I helped remove that which hid their beauty. They will need hard work from time to time

to maintain their brightness.

I had time, polishing the silver, to think about you, our maverick child, growing up. I'm sure that

during the wedding festivities, our family legends will be repeated, to your embarrassment.

I'll spare you now suffice to say, you marched to a drummer none of us heard. All the same,

you marched. Rather than compete with sisters who earned honors in music and writing and art, you became

the family athlete, the competitor. You found your satisfaction in water and on the balance beam, beauty through

a camera lens, communication through computer technology.

The thing is, the child that might easily have been mistaken for base metal turned out to be sterling

silver. Once you found your way, you learned to match your innate skills with the needs of the community, and did

it well.

It took you a while to find your niche, but once you did, you set about making yourself a good fit for

what you do. As a writer and photographer, you have excelled. As an outdoorswoman, you are beyond proficient.

As an adult, you have managed money and pursued learning with a verve conspicuously absent during

your student years.

And now, your greatest Adventure: to be a wife and mother. There is not the slightest doubt in my mind

that you will bring to this new role all the competence, the gifts, the passion you have brought to the earlier

endeavors of your life.

Watching you with Brian's children your children even from 700 miles away, I marvel:

At the wisdom you have shown in teaching them to make decisions.

At the tenderness with which you have helped them grieve for their first mom.

At the gentle way you have led them to the joy of Christmas, their second without her.

My late-blooming baby, you bring to your marriage the maturity to discern what is important and what

is superficial. You understand, I'm sure, which issues are worth battling for and which really don't matter

knowledge I certainly did not have when I married at 19. Maybe you'll be spared some of the painful

adjustments younger brides encounter.

I speak from experience, no surprise to you. I often wondered if you set your standards impossibly

high because you saw conflicts in your parents' marriage that you were unwilling to risk yourself.

Maybe so. But in Brian, it appears to me that your lofty ideals will be realized. If he is, as he has said,

an honorable man who will keep the promises he is making to you this New Year's Day, you have done well

in your long wait and your unorthodox courtship.

The single regret your whirlwind cyber-space romance brought me is this: that we did not fully

comprehend how lonely you were. You seemed so satisfied in your adventurous career that we did not appreciate the

void you felt in your life. For this, I want to say we are so very sorry.

I do not, however, apologize for our misgivings when first you told us you had met a man on-line

a widower with children yet! No responsible parent, even of a mature adult, would bless that venture rashly.

You both had to prove to us that you have explored the pitfalls and the rewards of such an unlikely match-up,

and you did.

So, all these things came together to make it easy to give our blessing: meeting the fine, stable family

Brian came from, as well as his own exceptional children; a conviction that God has truly answered the prayers

of you both, to find a mate that would meet your needs and so much more; and the way obstacles have

melted away that might have prevented this union from happening.

We bless you indeed. And in passing on to you your grandmother's treasures, we symbolize the joining

of two families into one. In giving your hand to Brian, we are giving a gift of the highest quality sterling,

lovingly polished and filled with our prayers and best wishes for a long and satisfying life together.

With all our love on this New Year's Day, the first day of the rest of your life,

Mom and Dad

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