Ask Margar-etiquette about Starting the New School Year

Dear Margar-etiquette,

My child starts school next week, and I have to admit, I already have opinions about the teacher based on orientation, emails, and what I’ve heard from other parents. I know that’s probably not fair, but it’s hard not to form an impression before the school year even begins. How can I keep an open mind while still being an advocate for my child?

Trying to Start Fresh

Dear Fresh Start,

As another school year begins, thousands of teachers are unlocking classroom doors, arranging desks, decorating bulletin boards, building lesson plans, and getting excited about the children who will soon fill their classrooms. Many have spent their own money on supplies and invested countless hours preparing for a successful year. They deserve something many of us are quick to withhold: the benefit of the doubt.

If you’ve been following my recent columns, you may have noticed a common thread, the stories we tell ourselves about other people matter. Back-to-school season gives us plenty of opportunities to write those stories before we’ve read the first chapter. Let’s practice giving grace.

A teacher who appears strict at open house or during the first week may simply be establishing routines that create a safe, productive classroom for the months ahead. A teacher who doesn’t respond to an email within an hour may be teaching six classes, supervising lunch duty, attending meetings, contacting other parents, grading papers, or coaching after school.

Teaching today looks very different than it did a generation ago. Today’s educators are expected to do far more than teach reading, writing, math, science, and history. Here are some of the current expectations:

• Teach students with a wide range of learning styles, abilities, and needs.
• Foster not only academic growth, but also students’ social and emotional development.
• Establish classroom routines while managing behavior and creating a safe, respectful learning environment.
• Integrate technology into daily instruction and adapt to ever-changing educational tools.
• Communicate regularly with parents, guardians, and school administrators.
• Prepare students for standardized testing while still making learning meaningful.
• Complete lesson planning, grading, documentation, and an ever-growing list of administrative responsibilities.
• Participate in ongoing professional development to stay current with educational practices.
• And somewhere in between, they become counselors, encouragers, mediators, cheerleaders, nurses, detectives, problem-solvers, and trusted adults to the children in their care.

All of this happens while trying to ensure that every student feels seen, safe, supported, and capable of learning. It’s a calling rooted in purpose, but it is also a profession that carries tremendous responsibility. 

None of this means teachers are beyond accountability. Like all professionals, they will make mistakes from time to time. Parents should absolutely advocate for their children when concerns arise. But there is a difference between advocating and assuming. Instead of concluding, “My child’s teacher doesn’t care,” consider asking, “What else might be going on that I can’t see?” Instead of telling your child, “Your teacher is too hard on you,” ask, “What do you think your teacher was trying to accomplish?”

Those questions invite understanding rather than division. Children are listening to how we talk about their teachers. When we consistently criticize the adults who are trying to educate them, we unintentionally make it harder for our children to trust, respect, and learn from those same adults. On the other hand, when we model respectful communication and thoughtful curiosity, we teach our children how to navigate disagreements with maturity.

As the school year begins, I hope we’ll all remember that teachers and parents want the same thing: for children to grow, succeed, and thrive. We may approach that goal from different perspectives, but we are all on the same team. And before we write the full story of who a teacher is, let’s give them enough time to truly introduce themselves.

A generous interpretation may not always be the correct one, but it’s often the kindest place to begin.

Where manners meet real life,

Margar-etiquette