Ask Margar-etiquette about Phones at the Table

Dear Margar-etiquette,

When I dine out with friends or family, I’m increasingly frustrated by how often people scroll on their phones instead of engaging in conversation. I choose to eat with others for their company, yet I find myself competing with screens at the table. What’s the polite way to handle this—both for myself and when others are on their phones?

Hungry for Conversation

Dear Hungry,

You are not imagining this—and you are not alone. Somewhere along the way, phones became the uninvited guest who not only shows up, but pulls up a chair and demands attention.

Here’s the heart of the matter: we choose to dine with others for their company and conversation. Otherwise, we’d order takeout and eat standing over the kitchen counter in blissful silence. Sharing a meal is an act of connection, and attention is part of what we bring to the table.

Good etiquette doesn’t require a phone ban or a dramatic speech. It starts with self-awareness. When you’re the one dining with others, set the tone. Place your phone face down or out of reach. Be present. Ask a follow-up question. Let the conversation wander. That’s the real nourishment.

But what about when others are scrolling?

Start with grace. Many people don’t realize how often they’re checking their phones—it’s muscle memory at this point. A gentle redirect is often enough: “I wanted to hear the rest of that,” or “Tell me more about what you were saying earlier.” These comments invite connection without calling anyone out.

If the behavior continues and it’s a recurring dynamic, you’re allowed to be honest—kindly. A simple, “I really look forward to our conversations when we’re together,” can go a long way. Notice it focuses on your experience, not their behavior.

And sometimes, the answer is acceptance. Not every meal will be a deep, screen-free exchange. But when you consistently model presence and warmth, others often follow—because being truly seen and heard still feels surprisingly good.

Etiquette, after all, isn’t about rules. It’s about making the people across from you feel like they matter more than whatever is lighting up in your hand.

Warmly, 

Margar-etiquette