It’s School Time!

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Whether they admit it or not, many students out there, regardless of their age, have apprehensions about starting the first day of school — some more than others.

Growing up on that old familiar street not so far away called Flamingo, I fell squarely in the “more than others” group — except for the start of seventh grade (refer back to last week’s column for the reason why.) I didn’t just have a little apprehension about starting the school year; I was terrified. My terrification was justified, or at least I thought so. Let’s see if you agree.

My concerns about the first day of school make for a very, very long list, but I’ll just mention the main ones here.

First, who will be standing at the front of the room to help us navigate through the sea of math equations, show us how to untangle the knots of rules surrounding the English language, and help map our way through Social Studies? All of us kids knew — get the right teacher and your year will be great. Get the wrong teacher and it’s quite the opposite.

Second, who would be the other kids in the classroom? The importance here can’t be overstated. Unfortunately, like who is going to be standing at the front of the room, you can’t choose the kids who are going to be in your class.

If I could, Down the Street Bully Brad certainly wouldn’t have been in Old Ms. Crabtree’s third grade class with me. Guess if I had that kinda power, Ms. Crabtree wouldn’t have been standing at the front of our room that year either.

Third, and almost as important as to who will be the other kids in the class, is seating. The entire school year hinges on seating. Will it be assigned, or will seating be up to us? Or the worst possible solution: will it be the Seating Shuffle?

The Seating Shuffle occurs when the seating chart is changed randomly each Monday. Theoretically, a shuffled class is a quieter class. My experiences are just the opposite. Shuffled kids talk more because they talk all week about, well, being shuffled.

Fourth, what to wear? A big stressor in going back to school is wearing the “right” clothes on the first day. Wear last year’s fashion on the first day of school and you’ll be hearing about it ‘til the last day of school. The older the student gets, the more important wearing the right clothes becomes, almost as important as the correct haircut.

Finally, whether you’re a girl or boy, the most important box to check before going back to school is getting the right haircut. A long, long time ago, while walking home from that old familiar school called Mt. Olive, I was made painfully aware of how the wrong haircut could ruin your entire school day.

The week before school started, Dad had taken us four boys to get haircuts. When told how much it was going to cost, he said no. We left the barber shop, drove to the pet store where our dad bought dog clippers. Once we got back home, he set up a “Barber’s Chair” in the middle of the kitchen. Each one of us kids took our turn in the chair with a king-size sheet draped over our shoulders.

When Mom got back home from grocery shopping, don’t know if she was madder about all the hair left on the kitchen floor or our super-close crew cuts. Either case, she was really mad, but Dad was happy about how much money he’d saved. That is, until Mom pointed out the cost of the four haircuts were less than the cost of dog clippers. But the real cost of Dad’s kitchen haircuts, I actually paid a few days later.

While walking home the first day of third grade, Bully Brad chased me down right as I stepped off school grounds. He knew fighting on school grounds would get him suspended, but fighting off school grounds would get him nothing. It got me a bloody nose. Walking away after my beating, he threw an insult over his shoulder that I’ve never forgotten, “Dumb haircut, Spitball.” I never allowed my dad to cut my hair ever again.

For me, the first day of school is this Friday. I’m not worried about the person standing in front of the room. That will be me. For each classroom I’m in, the kids won’t have to worry about where they will be sitting; there’ll be no Seating Shuffle. Instead, there will be a seating chart. And, unlike when I was back in the third grade, I’m not worried about what to wear. The Wife and I went shopping, and she picked out all my clothes.

Finally, I’m not apprehensive about my haircut either. Unlike Dad, I didn’t use dog clippers with only one setting and no attachments. The dog clippers I bought have three settings and came with six attachments.

When The Wife got home, I asked her what she thought. She gave me a hug, smiled, and said, “When it grows out, it’ll look fine. At least you have nice clothes to wear.”

[Rick Ryckeley has been writing weekly for The Citizen for more than two decades.]