During those seven magical years growing up at 110 Flamingo Street, I learned everything has rules attached to it. It seemed that the more enjoyable the activity was the more rules it had, even something as simple as chewing gum.
You might assume the strictest rules would’ve sprung forth from our parents. But that was not the case when it came to gum. The many rules about gum chew-nastics came from none other than Old Mrs. Crabtree, my third-grade teacher at Mt. Olive Elementary School.
As kids, my three brothers, The Sister, and I thought rules just drained all the fun right out of any activity they were attached to. That’s why we seldom followed them. It’s why we always found ourselves in trouble. Funny, those rules I didn’t want to follow as a kid are the same ones I ask our granddaughters to follow now.
Back in the day, chewing gum was allowed in school, but they were strict rules in Mrs. Crabtree’s classroom. First rule: only one piece could be chewed at a time. I tested this rule and found it to be incorrect.
Though it took some skill, I was actually able to cram an entire pack of Beechnut gum in my mouth and chew. When Mrs. Crabtree asked me what I thought I was doing in her class, I answered but she couldn’t understand what I was saying.
You can’t hide gum under your desk or the science table in the back of her room. Gum in hair was not allowed; neither was blowing bubbles of any size. No popping, smacking, or any other noise made with gum was permitted either. I can say, during the year spent in her classroom, I tested each of these rules.
If Mrs. Crabtree wasn’t looking, I could get away with sticking my gum under my desk and the desk next to mine – Goofy Steve’s. By the end of the year the underside of the science table in back of the room was also solid gum. A good many of those squished wads were mine.
And a skilled bubble blower could smack and blow a huge bubble, propelling it aloft where it would come down and lodge in Twin Brother Mark’s hair. Not that I’m admitting to doing that, mind you. He still blames Down the Street Bully Brad. It took over two months for his hair to grow back where Mom had to cut my gum out.
Even when it came to gum disposal, Mrs. Crabtree had rules. Swallowing, throwing, or any other means of getting rid of gum wasn’t allowed. She insisted all used gum be wrapped in a full sheet of paper, walked up to the front of the room, and placed into a trashcan next to her desk. Of course, this was only after you raised your hand and asked permission.
Wrapping used gum in anything less than a full sheet of notebook paper and then tossing it from your seat, three rows over and third seat back from the front of the room, would get you tossed out of her classroom each time you performed such a feat. Even if you made a basket to the cheers of the entire class, you’d still spend the rest of the day in the office to “Think about what you have done.” At almost 20 feet, my record still stands.
When The Wife read this story she said, “You do know chewing gum in school is no longer allowed?”
Shocked I replied, “No, I didn’t know. Kids in school really have it rough nowadays. Wow, that’s even a tougher rule than any of Old Mrs. Crabtree’s. Can’t imagine going all day without chewing gum.”
The Wife smiled and then handed me a stick of Beechnut.
[Rick Ryckeley has been writing stories since 2001. To read more of Rick’s stories, visit his blog: storiesbyrick.wordpress.com.]
