They just can’t get away with it, I tell you. Someone has to hold them accountable for their poor judgment and for what it has done to us all.
No, I’m not talking about those folks who thought shooting fireworks off in the neighborhood for five nights in a row was actually a good idea. Something much more egregious has happened right under our very noses.
The verdict has been handed down, and it doesn’t seem the government will step in to stop the practice or even invent a new law to ban the manufacturing of it. As of yet, there are not even warning labels stating the potential dangers. Although there have been no reported deaths, someone has to say something. Looks as if no one else will stand up and say anything against one of the most horrendous decisions of this decade. No one except little old me, that is.
Time, once again, for Yours Truly to venture down to the dark and musty basement. Fighting off the ever-increasing family of spider crickets, I retrieve my soapbox, dust off the cobwebs, and stand upon it, but this time not in the comfort of the living room. Nope, for this pontification, a trip to our local grocery store is in order. The reason: They have squashed my childhood memories. Not the local grocery store — the powers that be over at the Oreo Cookie Company.
Yes, someone at the cookie company thought it was a good idea to try and improve the Oreo. For over 100 years kids and adults alike have enjoyed twisting, dunking, and devouring the chocolate cookie with the white creamy filling, making it the best-selling cookie in America. I ask you, why would you mess with perfection? But someone did. And it was wrong, really wrong.
One constant with all the adventures and misadventures for those seven magical years we spent growing up on Flamingo Street was the Oreo cookie. The original 3/8-inch cookie with the white cream in the middle was a reward from our parents for doing something good and a comfort when our many adventures went astray. Whether eaten by first twisting and licking, twisting and scraping, or dunking in a cold glass of milk, the black cookie with the white filling was everything good about childhood. Now all that has changed because they have changed the Oreo.
Like my childhood memories, they have squashed it. Now there are Oreo Thins. Not that I’m opposed to progress. I’m quite a fan of the half-inch-thick Double Stuf, but to squash the Oreo making it only 3/16 of an inch? Why, there’s just something wrong with that.
They are calling it a “sophisticated” thin with 20 fewer calories. Look, I’m not eating Oreos to get thin. I want all of those tasty calories that I can get. You can twist open a regular Oreo or dunk it in a glass of milk. The same goes for those delectable Double Stufs. But try dunking a thin or twisting the cookie halves to get to the white creamy filling. Can’t be done.
Thins are also made in mint flavor. Why, I don’t really know. If I want the best thin mint cookie, there’s only one place to get them: from your local Girl Scout. Once a year The Wife and I buy our weight in Thin Mints from the first Girl Scout we see selling them. Then we stack them in our freezer to enjoy all year long.
Like I said, I don’t want folks to think I’m against progress. I’m not. When the Oreo Company came out with the Oreo Minis, I gave the bite-size cookies a try. What’s not to like? A full-size Oreo shrunk down that you can still twist and lick, twist and scrap, or dunk in a cold glass of milk. One advantage of the Mini is that you can eat a handful at a time. (In my case, that’s eight.) Not so with the Double Stufs. I know, I’ve tried and can only eat two at a time.
When my pontification at our local grocery story was finished, a nice associate came up to speak to me. She said, “You should try the other flavors. Oreo Thins also come in golden, red velvet, fudge, birthday cake, cinnamon, peanut butter, and lemon.” I had no idea.
Storing the soapbox in the backseat, I left the store with a bag filled with original, Double Stuf, and Mini Oreos. I left with something else that day. With exception of Double Stuf and Mini’s, sometimes things are better left alone and unchanged. Like shooting fireworks off only on the 4th of July, childhood memories, and Oreo cookies.
[Rick Ryckeley has been writing stories since 2001. To read more of Rick’s stories, visit his blog: storiesbyrick.wordpress.com.]
