Just before the sun won its battle with the night, our doorbell rang. Stumbling my way through the dark house, four things happened.
First, I stepped on the cat, then tripped over the footstool, and finally tumbled to the floor. That’s how I found the lone jack that was left behind when Little One and Sweet Caroline played the “Pick Up/Clean Up” game the day before. Not gonna tell you how I found that jack, but it still hurts to sit down.
Finally making it to the windows and peeking out just in time to see a brown truck slowly pulling away from our driveway, I realized there was no need to open the front door. I already knew why I had been rustled from my slumber. Another white and black box had been left on the front doorstep.
Zappos, the online shoe store, has made about a gazillion dollars from someone in our household. Now I’m not gonna mention who that person is, but I don’t wear pumps, heels, sling-backs (they do carry over 780 to choose from), or the ultimate in all-day comfort — flats.
With The Wife out of town for business, there’s no hurry to bring the package in. It can stay on the covered porch for a day or so and keep the feral cat we feed company. And what if I get busy and forget to retrieve the box? I’m sure it will still be there in the morning.
Haven’t seen any shoe thieves lurking outside our house during the night. Every now and then maybe I see a slow-moving dead person that’s strayed from the filming down the street, but they’re not too fashion conscious.
Have you seen how they dress? The box of shoes should be safe.
There surely will be another delivery tomorrow; I can always pick up both boxes and make just one trip. Happy with my decision to delay, I headed back to the warm comfort of bed where any thoughts of the black and white box were soon forgotten.
Three days later The Wife returned home and asked if a package had been delivered. Guess that was my friendly reminder to finally retrieve her shoes.
Opening the door, I was greeted by not one, but two surprises. First, there were three feral cats looking up at me very hungrily. After feeding the mom and her twin babies and retrieving the box, I got the second surprise. It was actually addressed to me.
The Wife had bought us a gift. Inside were two electric toothbrushes, one pink and one blue. I just assumed the blue one was mine, handed the pink one to her, and started towards the bathroom to plug it in. She smiled and asked if I’d ever used one before. I replied over my shoulder, “Yes, a long, long time ago.”
A groan followed me into our bathroom, “Let me guess, on a familiar street not so far away?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.” At age 7, I visited the dentist and my exam revealed 13 cavities. I was excited because the dentist said it was a new record. After that visit, Dad bought all of us electric toothbrushes and a WaterPic to share.
Said it was cheaper than the dentist. The toothbrushes worked great for about a month, then they all broke.
The WaterPic shot a fine stream of pressurized water into your mouth. What a perfect gift to give four unsupervised boys. We played in the in the bathroom for hours with that miniature electric squirt gun. Unfortunately, it also lasted only a month before breaking. After three months of new toothbrushes and WaterPics, we started going back to the dentist. Dad said it was cheaper after all.
The Wife plugged in her toothbrush to let it charge overnight and got ready for bed. “I’m afraid to ask, but how did you and your brothers break all those electric toothbrushes?”
“Every Saturday Dad made us boys clean bathrooms. An electric toothbrush vibrates really fast! It’s great for cleaning all those hard to reach places – like grout lines, clogged drains, and toilets. It doesn’t last long when you use it that way, but works really well.”
“You used your electric toothbrush to clean bathrooms? Now that’s just gross. If you want any more kisses, don’t use your new one that way. ”
I smiled, cut off the light, and said, “I won’t. Besides, never said I used mine.”
[Rick Ryckeley has been writing stories since 2001. To read more of Rick’s stories, visit his blog: storiesbyrick.wordpress.com.]
