Meet Abbie. She’s a battered woman. You may know Abbie or someone like her. It is a story much more common than many will let themselves believe because, by its nature, it is the type of familial tragedy that is rarely spoken of and often denied.
You will not know Abbie by that name since she is a composite of many of the women who have taken advantage of the limited space at the Promise Place emergency domestic violence shelter. Fortunately for Abbie and the girls there was room for them when the need arose.
Abbie is 39 years old. She was married at age 23 and had her first child a little more than a year later. Today she and her husband Jim have two girls, ages 13 and 15. Abbie and Jim moved to Peachtree City 10 years ago, having been drawn to the county due to its proximity to Atlanta Hartsfield Airport where Jim worked and also by the school system.
Abbie completed her degree in marketing before the girls were born. She was fortunate to have quickly worked her way into a management position with the company she has been with for the past five years. Like the large majority of Fayette County’s workforce, Abbie’s job takes her to another area of metro Atlanta on week days. She has been trying to find employment in her field in a location closer to home but, with a salary of $70,000 and the economy the way it is, potential opportunities have been few and far between.
Now married for what is approaching two decades, Abbie and Jim have a comfortable life, at least in terms of a nice home in one of Georgia’s more upscale cities and in the ability to provide their family with many of the amenities shared by their neighbors. That ability was possible through a family income level that included Jim’s $70,000 annual earnings from his company near the airport.
As idyllic and comfortable as their life might seem, there is another side to the story. It was after the girls were born that things began to gradually change. It is not that couples never begin to slowly move apart emotionally or physically. Jim and Abbie had seen that on occasion with some of their friends. And for whatever the reasons that could be attributed to some of their friends, ones that may never be fully known, it also began to happen with Abbie and Jim.
As time passed some of their friends noticed the emotional distancing between the two, sometimes at a restaurant or at other gatherings. But unlike many of the others, this distance between Jim and Abbie became one that grew over time, one that their friends, and undoubtedly their girls, could not help but notice.
In life it usually takes two to tango. But there was something else at play that transcended the “normal” disagreements and arguments that every couple has experienced. It was something for which there has never been any discussion between Jim and Abbie. It had started with things like a dismissive look from Jim or the obvious way to everyone at the table that he would cut Abbie off in mid-sentence or the impatient silence he would sometimes display when she would ask him a question. To Abbie and the others within earshot, that silence was deafening.
As the months, then years, passed, the temporary distance between them transformed into a permanent, invisible barrier. That barrier was invisible in terms of the outward manifestations that most people might notice. But between Abbie and Jim it was clear and apparent.
The couple’s finances took a turn for the worst a couple of years ago when Jim’s company could no longer withstand the years-long recession. His company at the airport had to close, leaving Jim unemployed for the first time in his life.
While never used by him as a reason for the ongoing chasm between them, and truly it may not be the reason, the job loss seemed to coincide in time with the way Jim began dealing with things, and Abbie. He began to drink more, though he never got drunk. And he began to threaten, at first only under his muffled breath then directly as he looked into Abbie’s eyes. The threats included those relating to the potential that their marriage would end and, then over time, into threats of hurting her physically. The threats were always out of earshot of the girls and almost always happened in the bedroom.
For the longest time Abbie believed that there was no change at all in Jim, that maybe she was imagining it. The change must be in her, in her mind, she concluded more than a year ago.
But things changed even more. Jim’s impatience grew and words turned into physical actions. For Jim, it was not the spontaneous slap that could have occurred when his temper boiled over. It was a kind of planned, methodical abuse: a hard shove against a wall that would leave a bruise on a shoulder or hip, areas of the body usually hidden by clothing. Or the way he would appear to lovingly hold Abbie’s hand. Only the most observant of their friends would notice that his grip was far from gentle, with the vice so subtly crushing her knuckles and giving rise to a controlled grimace of pain on her face.
There were other times, too. The times when Jim would force himself on her sexually or tell her he would make sure she never saw the girls again or promise to do things to her physically that she dared not repeat to anyone.
Through all this she never told a soul. Some of her friends were suspicious, but she redirected their inquiries effectively enough to forestall the truth.
But all that changed a few weeks ago when Jim showed up at her workplace. He walked into her office and accusations quickly followed. Even her coworkers could hear as he threatened to kill her. One of them came around the corner into her office to see a gun partially obscured by his jacket. The unexpected arrival of the coworker caught Jim off guard and he quickly left the building. Abbie’s employer called law enforcement and Jim was subsequently arrested for making terroristic threats while in possession of a weapon.
And it was at that point that Abbie and the kids found Promise Place. Abbie had heard of the local organization and was prompted by friends to call the domestic violence hotline. She and the girls soon found themselves in a secure environment. Fortunately, on this occasion, there was space available for them.
For Abbie, the reason to make the move was sadly simple: she knew Jim’s tirade at her office was real and that he would do his best to kill her.
The reality of domestic violence in communities across the country clearly shows that it is not related to income levels, geographic areas, educational background, religious affiliation, community standing or even gender. But what statistics do bear out is that the very large majority of domestic violence cases involve women as the victim.
Such is the case of one Fayette County woman who, along with her two children, spent time at the Promise Place emergency domestic violence shelter after a final incident involving her husband led her to leave her home in search of a safe place. The shelter is one of the numerous programs offered by Promise Place, a community resource that received nearly 5,000 violence-related calls in 2011.
Through the first 11 months of 2011 the Promise Place domestic violence hotline received approximately 5,100 calls. Of those, 4,954 were related to domestic violence.
Information provided by Promise Place shows that:
• One out of every four women will experience domestic violence at some point during her lifetime.
• 85 percent of domestic violence is committed by men against women.
• Georgia ranked 6th in the nation in 2010 for the number of women killed by men.
• In 2010 an estimated 4.8 million women nationwide were victims of assault by an intimate partner.
• In 2010 in Georgia there were 2,636 victims and their children turned away from a domestic violence shelter due to lack of space.
The Promise Place emergency domestic violence shelter can house a maximum of only 15 women and children. Ongoing needs include linens for full-size beds, towels, detergent, bleach, hand soap, bath mats, curtains, non-perishable food, juice boxes for kids, baby products and toiletries of all kinds. And as much as anything, the shelter needs cash. Promise Place also collects used cell phones.
Operating in Fayette, Pike, Upson and Spalding counties, Promise Place operates far more than the emergency domestic violence shelter and the domestic violence hotline. The organization’s other missions include support groups, legal advocacy, the Teen Dating Violence Prevention Program, safety planning, a children’s program and community education.
For more information on Promise Place or if you would like to help call 770-461-3839 or visit www.promiseplace.org.
