Not so very long ago, the following conversation took place between – oh, you figure that out. I’m too embarrassed….
Griz: Hey! Watch out who you’re tossing. You almost missed the chair.
Sallie: I’m sorry. I gotta get the bed made. Got a million things to do and time’s running out.
G: Yeah, yeah, I know. We go through this every year. You get into such a snit. What’s the big deal anyway? Christmas comes the same day every year, and nothing you do is going to change that.
S: I know, I know. And every year I swear it won’t happen again. But it does. It’s just that I wanted to make something special for my friends, and I’ve hardly started shopping, and….
G: So what’s your point? You have another week yet, although I see you’ve waited too long to ship stuff to Mary. That’s going to cost you.’
S: Not really, Smarty. I’m taking her presents with me.
G: What do you mean, taking her presents with you?
S: It’s really none of your business, Polyester-brains.
G: With you? We’re going to Germany? You didn’t tell me. I’ve gotta pack.
S: For what?
G: You weren’t going without me, were you?
S: Yes, actually. I need every cubic inch for presents, not to mention magazines and aspirin and stuff Mary asked for. I’m going by myself, after all. I don’t need to give space to someone who can’t carry his own weight.
G: That was a cheap shot. I can’t help it my legs are too short to keep up with you in airports. You always took old Alpo-breath with you wherever you went.
S: Leave [our late dog] Abbie out of this. She’s never been to Germany, and she sure didn’t have to be carried anywhere.
G. You always did love her best. Look. You can still see where she bit my nose, and you never did get all the stuffing back into that place by my tail –
S: Griz, knock off the whining. I haven’t time nor energy to argue with you.
G: Oh, please, please, puh-lease take me with you. You’ve just gotta. It’s been more than three years since we’ve been to Germany.
S: Griz, what is the big deal? I seem to remember, you’ve been to Germany since I have. Didn’t you learn your lesson that time? You were lucky to get – what? I can’t understand you when you blubber.
G: You can’t understand me because you haven’t been practicing your German. I said I want to go to Germany to find meine Mutter.
S: Your Mutter? I don’t know whether to laugh at you or cry. You don’t have a mother. You came from Macy’s at Southlake.
G: Wrong. Macy’s doesn’t manufacture bears. I’m a Gund and that means I have a mother. And as much as you care about that genealogy stuff, I’d think you of all people would understand what it’s like to want to meet your mother. After all, you knew your mother. I was so small, I don’t remember mine at all. (Sniff…. )
S: Griz, you’ve lost whatever mind you ever had. Stuffed polyester Teddy bears don’t have mothers. What a sob-story! Besides I don’t have room –
G: Think of the story you’ll have for next Christmas. What airline are you flying?
S: What?
G: What airline are you flying? Lufthansa?
S: Well, yes, as a matter of fact –
G: Good! I can translate for you. I can talk for you if you need something, or if you pass out again like last time.
S: Oh, yeah, that’s just what I need. The no-nonsense Lufthansa crew seeing me talking to a dumb bear that thinks he can speak, and in German at that. They’d think I’m as loony as you are. And I did not pass out!
G: What would you call it? You had one little glass of wine and went to sleep, and when the flight attendant asked you what you wanted to drink with your meal, you said, “Chicken.” Dave said you slept all the way to Stuttgart.
S: Than was just a reaction to an antihistamine I had taken. I did not pass out. Now let’s just drop the whole thing.
G: All right.
S: Good. Now let me – Wait a minute. I’ve never known you to give up that easily. What do you have up your sleeve?
G: Oh, nothing, not a thing. You go on to Germany and have a good time. Eat Kitchen and go to operas and listen to the church bells. See if I care.
S: What are you up to?
G: Ha! What would people think if they knew you talked to a stuffed toy? What if they heard about you passing out on one glass of wine?
S: Well, they’re not going to, so there. Who’d believe it anyhow?
G: Plenty of people, once they see the transcript of this conversation. I’m recording, you know.
S: I’m really worried. If I do run into your mother, I’ll tell her what a brat you turned into. Wouldn’t she be proud, you devious little –
G: How much you wanna bet you change your mind?
