Super Bowl 51: The Russians hacked us

The unfathomable has happened. The Falcons were drubbing the Pats. It was a two TD plus two 2-point conversion lead halfway into the fourth quarter and the Pats had done nothing all night.

All the pundits had called the game; all that was left was the coronation. And somehow we are supposed to believe that the comeback of Super Bowl history is legit? We are supposed to accept the final score?

Remember the Falcons’ timeout when Matty Ice had to change his helmet due to “technical problems”?

The Edelman catch, come on. Talk about a video hack. We have evidence that the Russians are involved.

A holding call to ensure that the Falcons could not kick the game-sealing field goal.

Coin toss at the start of OT going Pats way? Clearly a two-headed coin.

Finally, just to make sure the Pats score a game-winning TD, a phantom pass interference call in the endzone.

Obviously, an inside job with nefarious scallywags in Houston, Vegas, and, yes, even Washington.

Lest we all forget the final proof, the close personal ties between owner Kraft and the illegitimate President Trump.

This conspiracy could not be more clear. Conspiracy, I say, C-O-N-spiracy! This championship is clearly also illegitimate!

As such, don’t be surprised when rabid fans march through NFC cities all over the country. The team photo op at the White House will likely spark violence with cars burned and rocks thrown.

While we do not condone violence, you can understand how hurt these fans of fairness are, so lock up your kids.

Each interview with Tommy B will inflame the pained. We will boycott any celebration of this stolen game as a show of solidarity.

We cannot allow outside forces to put their thumb on the scale of our NFL, a beacon of competition and fairness to the world.

We owe it to the planet to resist, obstruct, and decry.

Not MY champions!

(Congratulations, Falcons and Pats, on a fantastic season and a game for the ages!)

Alan Felts
Peachtree City, Ga.